Call Me Big Papi

Winterson

2011-02-13T18:41:00.001-08:00

I am too huge for love . No one, male or female, has ever dared to approach me. They are afraid to scale mountains. - Jeanette Winterson, Sexing the Cherry

So the latest in my reading buffet:

Sexing the Cherry and The Powerbook, both by Jeanette Winterson. You may be sensing a pattern here. I trust Winterson, as an author, to indulge me in the fantastical, if it be only in the manipulation of metaphor. But sometimes it is much simpler - sometimes she simply writes me:

"I have set off and found that there is no end to even the simplest journey of the mind. I begin, and straight away a hundred alternative routes present themselves. I choose one, no sooner begin, than a hundred more appear. Every time I try to narrow down my intent I expand it, and yet those straits and canals still lead me to the open sea, and then I realize how vast it all is, this matter of the mind."

While there are often false starts in what can only be called Winterson's faux narrative, you can never get too wrapped up in a particular "reality." I feel like that's more accurate to how we live live anyway -- all our narratives are made up, only attempts (some more feeble than others) to make the story of our lives make sense. Our lives are stories and it takes only a pen and paper to write them.

No Emotion is the Final One

2011-01-22T07:56:00.000-08:00

"Reading makes immigrants of us all. It takes us away from our home, but more important, it finds homes for us everywhere." Jean Rhys

In the past few months I've rediscovered reading. Like most things I used to expect too much ... not of reading but of myself. I read or only wanted to read non-fiction books - books that promised to make me smarter. Books that when you mentioned them at gatherings people like myself thought, "Oh I don't know anything about that." But reading, much like running, needs to be a personal endeavor. The moment you start the comparison is the moment you lose the joy. This a hard fact for me to swallow - at least the part of me that is a competitor. But, I'm striving to do things more because I love them rather than because they help me compete...

"What could I do? My needlework teacher suffered from a problem of vision. She recognised things according to expectation and environment. If you were in a particular place, you expected to see particular things. Sheep and hills, sea and fish; if there was an elephant in the supermarket, she'd either not see it at all, or call it Mrs Jones and talk about fishcakes. But most likely, she'd do what most people do when confronted with something they don't understand: Panic."
- Jeanette Winterson, Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit

Read recently:
Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit - Jeanette Winterson
Middlesex - Jeffrey Eugenides
Dewey: The Small-Town Library Cat Who Touched the World - Vicki Myron
Living History - Hillary Clinton

Einstein

2010-12-28T12:28:00.000-08:00

"If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things." -- Albert Einstein

Albert Einstein, a physicist (yes, I agree this is too narrow a definition), is often tied to his discoveries which are most rooted in science and cold logic. That is why it always seems most brilliant when I come across a quote, a picture, a moment where Mr. Einstein is lost in imagination, philosophy, and the grandeurs of life that often defy pure logicism. It's not that these things can't or don't coexist - but rarely does one person live simultaneusly in both worlds. The body and the mind - symbiotic - both driving the other to see more.

I hope that I can learn to draw on all parts of my sense to see and to know. We too often throw off ways of knowing simply because they are untested or unrecognized by others. I would love to trust all the bits of me - bodily/mentally/and otherwise.

But back to Einstein - I have often tied my happiness to people and at my more materialistic moments even to things. But I would like to try tying my life, my happiness to a goal.

What goal is worthy?

2010-05-13T16:49:00.000-07:00

I am not made of paper. I refuse to build myself out of the black and white of textual production. I'm not some house of cards ready to fall.

Unfortunately, I can conceptualize negative. I understand what it is to be not.

I am a learner. In school, out of it, I can't stand the inertia that comes with not learning. I think it is this love of learning that has also made me so interested in teaching, sharing that joy.

So much of schooling is centered around knowing. And knowing has it's place. But I found that in graduate school that class became a place to show off the things you knew and highlight those who didn't. Very rarely was there substantive teaching or freedom to not know.

Starting Again

2009-12-11T06:09:00.000-08:00

Movement is a medicine for creating change in a person's physical, emotional, and mental states. ~Carol Welch

Yesterday I began the 30 day journey that is Jillian Michaels, "Making the Cut." This is my second attempt at this program, the first time I completed 28 pretty flawless days and lost about 9lbs. It was great time and I got to do most of it with two other people. Jillian's workouts are tough, and when I first started I could barely get through the 5 circuit nightmare. She pairs the workout regimen with a pretty strict but manageable diet. I never felt hungry, but I often ran out of time to prepare.

This second trip is intended to be from yesterday until Christmas day with a week break while I'm home and on vacation from work. Then starting back up 1/4-1/19. I want to lose 9 lbs before the Superbowl. Five before Christmas, and 4 after. I will not completely quit working out during that week break, but I'm trying to be realistic about the affects of going home and being around my family for all that time.

Yesterday, I had a great workout, ate really well during the day, but had some emotional news last night that caused me to eat cookies and finish off my leftover Chinese food. So, a bit of a fail there. However, I choose to focus on the start of a great workout program... Today starts the diet (not as in eating less, but eating differently).

Day 1 Work Out:
Circuit 1:
Presses on Body Ball
Squats
Sprint

Circuit 2:
Plank
Push-Ups
Side Plank
Plank
Burpies
Sumo Squats
Sprint

Circuit 3:
Push-Ups
Squats
Shoulder Presses
Jump Rope

Circuit 4:
Bench Dips
Tricep Presses
Lunges
Mountain Climbers (ugh, kill me)
Boat Pose

Circuit 5:
Jump Rope
Bicycle Crunches
Extended Plank

The first time I did this workout, I thought I was going to die. Yesterday, I simply felt like I was going to throw up. So good improvement there. Today is Day 2, and will be just as hard. Gotta love the incline runs...

Rupture

2009-12-03T07:49:00.001-08:00

“When we speak we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed. But when we are silent, we are still afraid. So it is better to speak.” - Audre Lorde.

A little Audre to start the day because I have been so silent for so long. I'm there again, fighting the inertia that comes from letting the tawdry routine of life decide who I am. The more and more I start to realize that the redundancy of days is dictated by only myself, the more and more I can start creating something new.

More than ever I'm reminded of how much I let fear dictate my experience. I don't write, I don't read, I don't play because I fear that I will not be good enough. In this way I prohibit myself from becoming better. From getting to a place that I can begin creating days that don't run together. To a place where I can create a person I can stand living with. I rely too heavily on other people to make me into something interesting, worthy. The ultimate risk is believing I am worthwhile.

The hardest question to answer is What Do I Want to Become?

Goals:
1. Write letters regularly to my family.
2. Learn to eat for health, but still enjoy food that gives me pleasure in moderation.
3. Workout because I enjoy it. Workout to see what my body can accomplish. Quit thinking of my body as my enemy.
4. Join something competitive. Poker, Softball, Basketball, Pool, something to release my competitive nature.
5. Acknowledge my fear of trying things and still do it.
6. Improve my living environment. Make my home part of me instead of just a container for me.
7. Be inspired to do my job better. Get fired up.
8. Read one book every month.
9. Get involved in my community, volunteer.
10. Learn to cook a new meal each month.

8.13.09

2009-08-13T19:32:00.000-07:00

Positive: I'm posting!

Do It Better: I need to be motivated by positive things, rather than negative. Like, I usually focus on how I'm not good at something, instead of all the work I'm doing to be better.

It's been another huge chunk of time since I posted. There are various reasons for that (moving out of my apartment, but having nowhere to move into...moving offices...being in the busiest time of year at work) but ultimately they are all excuses. Today was definitely a breaking point for me. It was another day of not eating enough during the day, being so hungry by dinner that I just went to the fastest place that could serve me food (McDonald's). I have eaten fast food and ice cream way too many times in the past two weeks.

So, I could focus on how bad I am or all the work I HAVE been doing. I've worked my ass off at the office. And today, even after eating McDonald's I worked up the energy to go workout. Considering it was my first workout in about a week and a half, I'm very proud of myself.

I'm hoping things slow down enough this weekend to game plan for the rest of the month. I want a firm plan in place with realistic goals. DC is out of the country until the 25th, and I want to feel good about myself when she comes back. I'm currently without a scale, so I'm not sure how much damage I've done or how much work I have to do....but I'm working on that.

Step one: Make a decision to be better.
Step two: Work out.
Step three: Start posting again!

I'm trying.

7.28.09

2009-07-28T06:02:00.000-07:00

Positive: I worked out this weekend, even after my cookout.

Do It Better: When I eat unhealthily, I tend to binge eat unhealthy things. It's ok to go off course just a bit, but eating the entire FAT aisle is a bit much.

I had the best week of working out that I have had in a month last week. In fact, I worked out 8 straight days, but still was able to give myself breaks so I didn't feel overwhelmed by it. Here are the results:

So now, for the past four weeks I've LOST weight. This is a great new trend, and I'm going to work hard to keep it up. I realize next week might be hard since I lost 2lbs this week! But I'll take any small loss. It took me an entire month to lose the 2.8lbs I gained while I was in California. So much for losing those fast.

I have not been calorie counting, per say, but I have been cognizant of what I've been eating. Unfortunately, went I count every calorie, I think I tend to not eat ENOUGH. It's a weird counter-logic, but I end up eating too little and my metabolism slows and I lose nothing. I think this past week, I did a good job of eating a healthy amount of food and enough to help me with my workouts. I still need to figure out how to get more vegetables.

7.21.09

2009-07-21T05:41:00.000-07:00

Positive: I think this comes mostly from my dad, but I'm still not afraid to do dirty, grunt work. In fact, I like it and I think it keeps me grounded.

Do It Better: I HAVE to start eating better on the weekends. I do so well during the week then sabotage myself with food over the weekend.

Yep, no introduction. Just straight to the chart. I am happy about the fact that I have lost weight for the past three weeks, but that being said I have lost exactly one pound. Total. I think I am fighting my body especially hard because I like to hover around 145. That's just my comfortable weight. However, I am going to keep plugging along with some new goals, since I've missed my previous ones (but haven't gone backwards at least!) So now:

7/28 -2.2lbs to 142
8/4 -2lbs to 140
8/11 -2lbs to 138
8/18 - 1.4 lbs to 136.6

While that amount of weight loss has been out of reach as of late, I feel like it is important to always push yourself with your goals. We'll see if I can hit the first one.

7.14.09

2009-07-14T05:39:00.000-07:00

Positive: I'm positively dealing with a major stressor (having no idea where I'm moving to on Aug. 6th).

Do It Better: I have been a little lax with household chores, and I know that I absolutely feel better when I keep my house together.

Yay for my Tuesday post! I did have one non-Tuesday post, so I should give myself some credit for that. This past week started great, I had lost three pounds by Friday. But then the weekend came, and then D got sad and I used that as an excuse to eat bad things with her. Here's what I'm left with for my Tuesday weigh-in:

I lost .6lbs. Whoopdy-doo. I hate Tuesdays, not because they are weigh in days, but because they are weigh in days and I ALWAYS weigh the most on Tuesdays. I could take the easy way out and shift my weigh in day, but I just feel like that is cheating. I should be at my goal weight when I am at my heaviest.

My workout for the day will include:

Erg - I've really been enjoying this as of late, but CK would literally laugh at how little and how slow I go. But at least I'm doing it!
15 minutes on the Stair Climber
Weights

7.9.09

2009-07-09T06:16:00.000-07:00

Positive: There have already been two days this week when I've been resigned to not work out, but still managed to do so. It's exactly what I need to keep me on track.

Do It Better: I'm not good at making appointments or cancelling things that should have been cancelled forever ago. So I need to be better at that.

I am not sure how substantive this update will be, but it's just a little check in for myself. I am really happy with myself this week, thus far. I am not counting calories, per say, but I am being conscious of how much I'm eating. One thing I really need to do is vary the food I eat. I know I'm not eating enough vegetables, and I'm feeling a bit in a rut with my food choices as of late. This requires effort, i.e. cooking. Who knows if I'll ever get up the energy to do that.

My weight loss goal schedule is as follows:

July 14th - lose 2lbs to 143
July 21st - lose 2lbs to 141
July 28th - lose 2lbs to 139
August 4th - lose 2.4lbs to 136.6

Yes this is a bit of a reach, but I'm confident I can get to 141 by the 21st. It's just the rest that becomes an issue. But, the first step is believing you can do it? I would really really LOVE one summer month of being at my goal weight. That would great. Then I would like to keep it off and reward myself with a fall/winter trip to somewhere beachy.

Workout plan for tonight:
Erg
Stair Climber
Abs

7.7.09

2009-07-07T06:09:00.000-07:00

First: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUFFIN!

Positive: I put someone ahead of me, and I think it is important in "growing up."

Do It Better: Let myself feel. As much as I'm allowed to be sad, I'm also allowed to be happy.

I know I know, I only post on Tuesdays. I think I should post more, but I just don't always want to make the time for it. And, I guess that might be indicative of my weight loss lately, which is none. Here's the chart:

Considering I went out in three different cities this weekend, I'm ultimately happy with the loss of .2lbs. However, it's time to make a decision. Am I going to be serious about my weight loss again, or keep going at this haphazard level?

I still haven't hit my goal. And I don't think I can move forward with my other fitness goals until I do. I am still battling hip issues (they were particularly sore after my run last night). However, I know I can do enough outside of running to help me get to my goal. One thing that will help is that D wants to lose weight as well. It's amazing what having a weight loss partner can do. By the end of work today, I want to have my workout calendar planned for July, and maybe I'll even post that here. We'll see.

6.30.09

2009-06-30T10:28:00.000-07:00

Positive: I enjoy reading, and I'd like to do it more.

Do It Better: I really need to watch my money. I'm making myself broke!

So, I was in California from Wednesday the 24th until Sunday the 28th. I completely let myself eat whatever I wanted while I was there. I used the excuse that this was vacation, and I had been working hard to allow myself that privilege. Well, because of said excuse, I gained 2.8 lbs. See table:

I'm hoping for a pretty quick loss of these gained pounds, as I get right back on track with my workouts. I'm particularly excited because I am now raining distance a lot faster with my runs. All the way up to 1.16 miles yesterday! When you only add 5% each run, things don't move very fast at the start. Also, I still got a run in while I was in California, so I haven't missed a workout since June 6th. Tonight, I need to plan out my workouts for next month. This method has worked really well for me, and has shown how I progress over the month.

6.23.09

2009-06-23T05:29:00.000-07:00

Positive: In the past month I have only missed one workout, and that was way back on June 6th.

Do It Better: I always put off packing and then stress myself out.

I'm pissed:

Normally, I wouldn't be pissed about a .6lb weight gain, but I really didn't do anything "wrong." My body is simply out of whack. I did all of my workouts + some, and ate perfect on 5 out of 7 days, and then didn't eat too badly on the other two. It is so frustrating. I'm still wanting to be closer to my goal of 140lbs by 6/24. It seems like I always weigh the most on Tuesdays. I think when I get back from California I will weigh myself each day of the week and see if that really holds true.

So much for the positivity of last week. What sucks is I wanted to give myself a little cushion before I went to California because I know I will gain a couple of pounds there, and I actually want to be ok with just enjoying myself! I have already planned a run on Thursday, but then I'm taking the rest of the week off.

So any advice for the person who works out 6 days a week eats roughly 1200-1600 calories a day and not only doesn't lose, but GAINS weight? Pissed.

6.16.09

2009-06-16T06:52:00.000-07:00

Positive: Despite the rain I'm in a great mood today.

Do It Better: I need to be more patient about "being in the know."

I'm actually excited about this Tuesday. It's been a long time since I've been excited about a weigh-in day. So here he we go:

The chart doesn't lie, I lost 3.2lbs last week! That means that I'm back to a negative number for the past month, lost 2lbs in the last 30 days. Haha. Seems so small, but I'm proud considering the previous 30 days I gained 4.2lbs. I am still on track for my big goal which is LOSE 5 LBS by JUNE 24th. I have 8 days to drop 1.8 more pounds. Totally doable. Will be in California, must feel confident about myself.

Also, I've stayed true to my workout plan and found that it really helps me to have the entire month planned so I can see where I'm going and where I've come from. I need all the motivators I can get! Today is a scheduled day off, and I'm going to try to get up a bit early tomorrow so I can be done with my daily workout before work. We'll see if it happens!

6.15.09

2009-06-15T09:38:00.000-07:00

Positive: I was really quite good last week. I learned how to balance and occasional not so great meal with healthy eating and working out.

Do It Better: I need more variety in my diet. I tend to stick with the same foods day after day.

Just a quick update today.
1. I'm on track to finish the 100 pushup program next Monday! This will be a huge accomplishment.
2. I'm all the way up to .83 on my start at .5miles and only add 5% each run (9 runs in). This has been going well and the hip only hurt one day.
3. I'm excited about the weigh-in tomorrow, hopefully I'll see some loss.
4. I leave for San Diego next Wednesday!

HEALTH
Daily Nutrition
Banana [100]
French Vanilla Pria Bar [110]
Yogurt and Granola [150]
Applesauce [50]
Lean Cuisine Chicken and Vegetables [240]
Naked Juice
This is it until dinner time.

Body Works
Today I will:
Run 1 mile
Do Day Three of Week 5 of the Pushup Program
Lower Abs

6.9.09 Update

2009-06-09T19:10:00.000-07:00

HEALTH

Daily Nutrition
Oatmeal [130]
Trail Mix Bar [200]
Applesauce [100]
Yogurt w/granola [130]
Michelina's Lasagna [280]
Three party-size Trix [120]
Pasta-Roni [500]
Chocolate chips [140]
Total: [1600]

Body Works
1 mile run (outside by Assembly)
Push-ups, day three of week four of the 100 Push up program.

6.9.09

2009-06-09T05:27:00.000-07:00

Positive: I think I am starting to understand my own emotional/mental needs more. The more I understand them the less I fell like a failure when I suffer the effects.

Do It Better: I need to reel in my eating a bit. I am starting to get back on track with the working out, but need to recommit myself to a healthy diet as well.

Well, it's another Tuesday, another weigh in, another chart. And more news that's not what I want.

At least now I have NOT gained weight 3 of the past 4 weeks. Not that I've lost either, but stopping the weight gain is a decent start. I'm still going after my goal of losing 5lbs by June 24th. I really don't think it is unreasonable. Another step in this goal is that I am definitely not drinking until then either. I want to look good/feel confident when I go to California. No more playing around.

Here is an update on the goals I posted on May 20th:

1. The hit my ideal weight by June 17th goal. Obviously that isn't feasible anymore. So the new goal: Hit my ideal weight by July 21st. That gives me 6 weeks and should be more than enough time.

2. Still the same. Add mass to my legs after I achieve goal #1.

3. Finish the 100 Push up program by 6/16. I need to push this back one week. So finish it before I go to California!

4. Improve my 5K time by three minutes by 7/1. Again, no way this is happening because I'm following a strict plan on running (because of my hips). I will not run two days in a row, and I am only increasing each run by 5%. Since I started at .5 mile, it's taking some time to build up distance. I would like to run a 5K again, perhaps by the end of July.

5. See 4. Probably not going to happen. But I am doing one longer run at the end of each week.

6. I've set my maxes for my leg press and and bench press. I'd also like to do bicep curl, triceps, and squats.

7. My goal now is to just do a 2K all out so I can see how to improve.

My summer activity goals are going much better:

1. Wall/Mountain climbing.
2. Ca-brewing (possibly at OSU with B). DONE!
3. Attempt to play Field Hockey. DONE!
4. Go to the driving range, get D on the golf course (We went to the range!)
5. Go to several outdoor concerts.
6. Try paint balling.
7. Go to the Indiana Art Museum.
8. Participate in an ongoing corn-hole tournament. Yes. Started!

6.3.09

2009-06-03T07:38:00.000-07:00

Positive: I have thus far followed my June workout plan.

Do It better: There have only been two days, and one was a scheduled day off. So I need to KEEP IT UP.

Here is the past painful month:

In the last month I've gained 5.2lbs. That is unpleasant, and I feel a dip in my self-esteem because of it. But there are two directions to go: 1. Continue to spiral downward and gain more weight. 2. Get this kick in the ass and get back on track. I have to remember I am still 11.6lbs lighter than I was in November!

In an effort to to align myself with the great JZ, I am going to set this goal for myself: LOSE 5lbs by June 24. That's three weeks away, so I think it is SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and timely). I think if I simply stay on my workout regimen, and eat reasonably, I can safely hit this goal. I am going to need help though. From you D, you CK, you MM, and everyone else. Hold me accountable. K, thanks.

5.26.09

2009-05-26T05:44:00.000-07:00

Positive: I tried new things and had a blast over Memorial weekend.

Do It Better: I ate horribly, drank, and didn't work out!

Yeah. So that's really bad. Sucks seeing the numbers.

5.21.09

2009-05-21T22:00:00.000-07:00

Positive: I said no today, when so many times before I've said yes to avoid confrontation.

Do It Better: I just need to go to bed when I'm tired. And I've been really tired lately.

HEALTH
-Daily Nutrition-
Morning: Oatmeal, Trail Bar, Cheez Its [460]
Lunch: Penn Station, Small Fry, Small Chicken Parm, Lemonade [~900]
Dinner: Grapes, Applesauce, Turkey Bites [200]
Total: [1560]
Weird day, but I wasn't overly hungry ever.

-Body Works-.
55mile run
15, 25, 15, 15, 25 Pushups
30 crunches
Softball game

Today was important as it marked three days in a row that I worked out. I was on a bit of a time schedule and still did it! And I probably won't work out on Friday.

5.20.09 - Update

2009-05-20T14:48:00.000-07:00

HEALTH

Daily Nutrition
Oatmeal - 130
Grapes - 50
Yogurt -100
Lean Pocket - 260
FiberOne Bar - 140
Applesauce - 100
Scooby Snacks -80
Peanut Butter - 300 (yeah, I really like peanut butter)
More grapes - 50
Total: [1210]

Body Works
12 mins on the Erg
Bench Press [35, 45, 55, 65, 75*]
Machine Squat [100, 120, 140, 160*]
Leg Press [110, 130, 150, 170, 190*]
Stair Climber 15 mins

5.20.09

2009-05-13T05:30:00.000-07:00

Positive: The first step to reaching your goals is setting them, and I have actually done that.

Do It Better: I need to do a better job of appreciating all the opportunities I have to learn. I love learning, but sometimes I forget that I can learn in unexpected places.

Hi. Yes, I feel a need to reintroduce myself because it has been that long. You can call me Big Papi and I'm trying to make my life better. Here is an updated chart. I'm including my weight because I want to feel more accountable. I get a little pissed off at myself when I see I've gained almost three pounds since the end of January.

I have 22 days since I've posted, and a million excuses as to why this is true. I'm not going into much length about any of them because I know that all excuses are poor ones (Thanks JZ). Moral of the story: I've gained 7 pounds and haven't really worked out. I did do an re-introductory work out last night. It was very minimal, but I was feeling a bit down on myself and it is always hard to push when you don't believe in yourself. Post-workout I was happy for doing something, but also had that melodramatic feeling of I should be doing more (the I suck at life syndrome). Luckily, on my coffee table was my "goodie" bag from the Coach Hep 5K (which I didn't run). In it were all these inspiring stories about people fighting cancer and in typical fashion I felt inspired again. I don't care where I get it from, I just want to feel that drive again.

On May 3rd, I sat down with D and wrote down SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timely) goals for myself this summer. So here's what we came up with:

1. This is number one because it is most important to me, and I have been working on it the longest: HIT MY WEIGHT GOAL! That is I want to lose 20lbs since I started trying on 11/24. By June 17th I want to weigh 136.6lbs or less. That's the actual goal, but I really want to hit 135. So we'll see which I settle for.

2. From this point I'm not sure the numbering of my goals correlates to their importance or order in which I want to achieve them. But number two is: Gain muscle mass in my lower body, particularly hamstrings and quads, "the knee to butt zone." To measure this I'm going to take an actual measurement and take a picture every two weeks. I'll have to do some more research to see how much gain I can realistically expect. My end date for this is 8/31/09. My plan for this includes doing stadiums (perhaps with MM or BS) once a week, doing sprints twice a week (maybe after work on the Rugby pitch), doing squats, deadlifts, leg extensions, leg curls, three times a week, supplemented with box-ups and weighted lunges once a week. D also thinks I should play Field Hockey, but how embarrassed can I be?!

3. I would like to actually finish the 100 push up program. I'm probably going to have to start over at week three at this point. So I'd like to be done by June 16th.

4. I'd like to improve my 5K time by three minutes by 7/1/09.

5. I want to do 1 distance run each week, and increase it each week by .5 mile, culminating in a 13.1 mile run. This should end 8/22/09.

6. I will develop individual muscle group goals when I get in the gym and do some max outs. I would like to increase strength and muscle endurance (the good ol' rugby plan).

7. I'd also like to improve my 2K time on the Erg. This will have to involve me actually doing a 2K full out now that I know something about proper form. Once I get my base, I'll come up with a goal.

I feel like seven is a good number, and I'm excited about all of these goals. My next set of goals involves activities I'd like to do over the summer:

1. Wall/Mountain climbing.
2. Ca-brewing (possibly at OSU with B).
3. Attempt to play Field Hockey.
4. Go to the driving range, get D on the golf course (We went to the range yesterday!)
5. Go to several outdoor concerts.
6. Try paintballing.
7. Go to the Indiana Art Museum.
8. Participate in an ongoing corn-hole tournament. Yes.

I know how a pretty substantial plan and goals. What's left? Doing it.

4.28.09

2009-04-28T05:13:00.000-07:00

Positive: I'm blogging today, even if I haven't in a week.

Do It Better: I need to get back on the blogging train!

I've been MIA for the past couple of weeks. I'm not going to make any excuses, but I would like to state how important I think the blogging is to my weight-loss success. Last week I didn't blog, and things did not turn out good. You'll see shortly.

HEALTH
Here's the chart:

So I gained 3.4lbs this week, bringing me back to being 3.8lbs over my goal. Can someone tell me why I can't do this? I mean this past weekend was Little 500, and I ate and drank more than usual, but not an absurd amount. Not 4lbs worth. I just think something isn't quite right. I didn't eat enough/not work out enough to gain 4lbs. I'm actually pissed. I know it's old to feel defeated, but I'm not sure I'm ever going to get to the point I want to be. I think it is going to take a major shift in my lifestyle/thinking. D was right, I need to find that new motivation to get me over the hump. Someone needs to make me sit down, write out what I want (weight goal, strength goal, endurance goal, etc) so that I can see tangible things to strive for, wow I'm really that typical?

I am still babying my hip. After my 5k run about a week ago, it was really bad, so I decided no running (none, not even a lap or two to warm up) for about 10 days. That ends this Friday. Then when I do start, I'm going to take it really slow. Maybe starting at .5 mile and increasing by no more than a .25 mile each time. It feels like regression, but I need to think of it as a chance to build myself all over again.

I've just completed week four of the hundredpushup program. I think that I'm going to redo it because I think I was cheating near the end. However, I love the strength and change that I've seen over the past month+. Last night I did a sort of exhaustion test (I was being all emotional and weak at the gym last night because I knew I had gained weight). Even with that meager number I've made a 155% increase in the number of pushups I can do consecutively. I'm the type of person that really needs to see weekly (even daily) growth to stay into something, and this seems to be the perfect program for me.

With my blogging, I know that I don't do it a lot because I wait to post it until I've eaten everything I'm going to for the day. That means I'm posting around 10pm or later. Obviously, that is not working for me. I'm going to start doing either dual posts or update them. So don't be surprised if already posted posts change. Yes, I know you all watch them closely enough to see any changes. Ha.

4.24.09

2009-04-24T05:49:00.001-07:00

Positive: I think I've done a better job lately of being around people who make me happy.

Do It Better: I get cravings when I'm by myself, and it is very difficult for me to resist them. Last night I ate a ridiculous amount of ice cream (Love It from Cold Stone).

HEALTH
So last night was a complete and total bust. I got into some mood and instead of trying to figure out what was going on with me, I just ate to fill up the space. I had ice cream from Cold Stone, I ate candy, etc. What is amazing is that I think I still managed to only eat roughly 2000 calories. It felt like a ridiculous amount yesterday. Thing is today, I feel so gross. I need to bottle this feeling and eat it when I feel like that again.

I think it is really important that I set new goals because I am starting to get bored/losing direction. Which is hilarious because I haven't even hit my first goal yet. Let's try completing something first, AMR. I know part of my problem is that I haven't been getting enough sleep. I actually think I need to try to work out in the morning. This will be particularly difficult for me because I would have to get up around 5:30. Not really going to happen.

Today's a new day, I suppose.

4.21.09

2009-04-21T05:46:00.000-07:00

Positive: I am really starting to get into a rhythm of getting to work around 8. This has historically been difficult for me, so I am proud of that.

Do It Better: I HAVE to start stretching more. It's great that I'm working out so regularly, but my body feels a little broken down sometimes... mostly because I don't stretch enough.

HEALTH
Tuesday = Weigh In. Let me tell you a story about why you shouldn't weigh yourself everyday. I've had this goal, this ridiculous goal, to lose 20lbs. As of Friday, Saturday, AND Sunday, I had reached my goal! In fact, on Sunday I was lightest I've ever seen the scale read. Then Monday, the number went up, and this morning it stayed above my goal. Moral of the story, I'm not saying goal completed until I see those magical numbers on a freaking TUESDAY! I lost 1.8lbs this week, putting me at 19.6lbs lost. I am a measly .4lbs above my goal. If am good at all this week... here's the updated chart:

As you can see, this past week was the third biggest weight loss I've had in the past 3 months. I'm stoked by that. I really think next week will be the week!

-Daily Nutrition-
Morning: Banana [100], Orange [50], Kiwi [50], Strawberries [40], Fiber One Bar [140]
Lunch: Chicken and Vegetables Lean Cuisine [250]
Dinner: Chips and Salsa and Chicken Fajitas [770]
Snacks: Peanut Butter, Edy's Strawberry Fruit bar [170]
Total: 1670
That's almost exactly how much I want to eat in a day. Maybe a bit less at dinner...but I'm in range.
-Body Works-
20 mins stairmill
10 mins recumbent bike
abs: Ball raises, bicycles, leg raises
Not a good workout at all. My hip and neck were really bothering me tonight. I just want to be healthy so I can train at 100%. It's really frustrating.

4.19.09

2009-04-16T05:13:00.000-07:00

Positive: I slept as long as I wanted last night. After a week of short rest, I think this was much deserved.

Do It Better: I really want to communicate more with my friends.

HEALTH
So I posted a chart that shows my weight loss for the pass two and a half months. The numbers aren't super impressive, only lost 1.8lbs in 10 weeks. I lost weight 6 of the 10 weeks. I gained weight only three times. But again, there has to be a point where I concentrate on something other than numbers. And, especially in the last three weeks, I've notice another change in my body. I'm feeling stronger, more muscular and I'm excited to see that change continue. CK talked with me about setting other strength/activity related goals and I am completely on board for that. I just have to ACTUALLY SET THEM. Also, D is being very supportive about me just hitting my goal weight! This morning I was under it again... but I really did not eat well this weekend and I took Saturday off from working out. Meaning, come Tuesday I might put a pound or two back on because it takes a couple of days.

-Daily Nutrition-
12:30: Chicken and Cheese Lean Pocket/Scooby Snacks [320]
2:00: Applesauce [50]
8:00: Roasted Chicken Footlong from Subway [800]
Total: [1170]

-Body Works-
5K
Pushups (I can do the first four sets pretty easily, but it's the max out at the end that is killing me right now)
Abs: Ball lifts, bicycles, leg lifts

CAREER
While JZ was battling migraine issues, my excuse is much lamer... that is for not blogging last week. First, my laptop is no longer functioning. In fact, I left it in Indy with my dad to see if he could have his guy look at it. But, I think the real reason is the start of my new job. As of now, I rarely have any down time at work (because everything takes me 4-times longer than it should). So there is no blog updating anywhere but at home. Luckily I still have the desktop, so I have internet access, but it is not as convenient as laying in bed while I record my daily bits. Nonetheless, I hope this coming week will be better, both with the job and the blog.

Job: I have been getting a lot of compliments and been told repeatedly that everyone expects me to be great. Normal people would be thrilled with this, but I take it as pressure to be the best I can be. The previous people who worked this position left big shoes to fill, and I want to make sure that I am doing an adequate job for everyone involved. I guess I really just hate the whole "I don't know anything" time period, and hope to eliminate that as soon as possible.

On a positive note: I am learning tons and I am still excited about my position.

4.14.09

2009-04-14T05:14:00.000-07:00

Positive: Second day on the new job, and I actually did something productive!

Do It Better: I need to talk less when I don't know the whole picture.

HEALTH
So today was another weigh in, and another weigh in gone awry. Before the weekend, I had managed to get below my goal weight. Of course, after the weekend I had gained weight, again. I am 2.2lbs above my goal weight. Meaning I gained .8lbs last week. That means I've only lost a total of 17.8lbs, and that's ridiculous. I need one good week to push me through, but it seems like I can only manage a really good 3-4 days, then I regress for 3-4 days. I am hoping with my new work schedule I can be a little more regular and not have to work out at 10PM.

Here is my weight loss over the past two months (the red cells are weeks I gained):

So basically, I've only lost 1.8lbs in the last 2.5 months. It's good to finally see this. I know I can do better than that. Also, the week of the 3/10 weigh-in was an anomaly because of female issues, however, it was still weight I had to lose again. More to come later...

4.9.09

2009-04-09T05:29:00.001-07:00

Positive: After another late night I still made it to work on time!

Do It Better: I'd like to curse less. I think being around all these Football players is making me be lazy with word choice.

HEALTH
-Daily Nutrition-
9:00: Oatmeal [130]
10:30: Yogurt [100]
12:30: Granola Bar [100]
1:30: Lean Cuisine Chicken and Vegetables [280]
6:00: Orange, Pita Chips and Hummus, Turkey and Provolone, and 3 Tagalongs [600]
Total: [1210]

-Body Works-
20 mins Arc Trainer
Push ups [120 total]
Abs: Ball, Floor, Plank
This was a short workout because I had to go back to study tables. Happy I got something done, but wish I could have burned a few more calories.

My most recent conundrum is: When do I start buying new clothes? I bought three pairs of work pants right before I lost all this weight and they just sag off of me now. I am going to need stuff for my new job, but I'm a little worried that a) I'll get stuff and then it'll be too big or b) I'll get stuff but regain weight. I'm hoping A is much more likely than B, but that worry always plagues me.

4.08.09

2009-04-08T14:30:00.000-07:00

Positive: I am very organized at work. Like, maybe overly so sometimes.

Do It Better: I need to find time to do my little things, like pick up the dry cleaning, laundry, etc. I always make them out to be these huge tasks in my head, but really they can get done in 5-10 minutes.

HEALTH
-Daily Nutrition-
9:00: English Muffin with Peanut Butter (I think I've been eating too much PB lately). [200]11:00: Apple [70]
12:00: Yogurt [100]
1:30: Healthy Choice Sweet and Sour Chicken [390]
7:00: Turkey Bites, Scooby Snacks, Peanut Butter, Hummus and Pita Chips [440]
10:00: Yogurt and Chicken [150]
Total: [1350] I still haven't figured out how to eat around study tables, but I will no longer be working late nights next week!

-Body Works-
30mins treadmill
Abs: Ball lifts, Bicycles, Leg lifts
Odds & Ins: Shrugs [15, 17.5, 20], Military Press [24, 24, 30], Lower Back Extensions, Forearms
Basketball, little 1 on 1 with CK

I also had a nice talk with CK about why I don't push myself/try new things. It's all ridiculous when I'm consciously aware of it, however, that doesn't mean I'm anymore equipped to get over it. She's right, I need to set non-weight related goals that have meaning for me. Like my father, I work best on a team in a competition. So, I need to figure out how to do that. If I thrive while being part of team, I should get on a team already! Further, I need to remember that as long as I am trying the best I can I am not letting anyone down. Too often I do stuff only out of a sense of making other people happy/proud not because of personal enjoyment/motivation. All that being said, I think I am signing up for the YMCA's 5K on the 18th. I would have liked to do the 10K, but the ol' hip prevented me from being prepared for that.

4.6 & 4.7.09

2009-04-07T05:37:00.001-07:00

Positive: Today was a crazy day at work, but I think I did a good job of time management and working productively

Do It Better: I need to reconnect with many friends. I'm in the middle of one of my, "Where the heck did she go?" periods.

HEALTH

Another Tuesday, another weigh in, another day not meeting my goal. Maybe I'm sabotaging myself at this point. As of today I am 1.4lbs above my goal. That means I lost .4lbs this past week. Because I am dealing with the lovely lady Mother Nature I am happy that I lost weight. I just want to stay positive. My hip is starting to feel healthier so I think I'm going to be able to start running for real again. I OVERCAME my silly fear and got on the erg in front of CK, so maybe I can start erging for real too. Also, as the summer months approach I tend to be more active and want to eat less. I am thinking good things lie ahead. I'm done with excuses for this goal. I've been letting myself slide on several occasions. I think part of me is scared to confront eating/working out after the goal is met, I mean what will I work towards? It seems silly because there are a million other goals to be set and met, but it still frightens me. I don't want to revert.

-Daily Nutrition-

9:00: Honey Nut Cheerios and Skim Milk [130]

11:30: Applesauce [110]

1:00: Chicken Fettuccine Alfredo Lean Cuisine [280]

2:00: Sugar Free Jell-0 Vanilla Pudding [50]

6:00: Kiwi, Peanut Butter, Turkey Bites, Pear (Yes, I know this is weird) [360]

9:00: Orange, Granola Bar, Three Girl Scout Cookies [400]

Total: [1330]

A random, yet good day. I ate a lot of fruit and I'm pretty happy about that

-Body Works-

1 mile (I was biding time waiting for the elliptical, as I didn't want to push my hip too far after the longer run yesterday)

20 mins on the elliptical

Push-Ups (I'm in the middle of week three, which I had to restart because I missed days last week)

Abs: Ball, Floor, Remix, Plank

More update on the job soon.

4.5.09

2009-04-05T06:58:00.000-07:00

Positive: Oh, this is ridiculous. But I owed the mailperson 15 cents, and I finally got it back to them. It too about a month for me to remember to leave the little enevelope in my mailbox.

Do It Better: Don't compound problems. Meaning fix it while it is small and don't over emphasize how bad it is.

HEALTH

Yesterday was the worst day eating-wise that I've had in a long time. This is both a good thing and a bad thing. What is good is that it has been so long since I've completely forgone my healthier way of eating, what is bad is that I still did it (Think lots of pizza). However, there is more good than bad because I plan on making today great.

I didn't finish this post, but I'm putting it up regardless. I feel it is good to track things, even if they remain unfinished.

4.2.09

2009-04-02T05:44:00.000-07:00

If you can't tell these are the two pranksters who covered my desk (and most things on it) with (as the English one would say) tin foil (also known as aluminum foil). It was a good April Fools.

Positive: I'm feeling able and capable today. I truly believe that thinking you are able to do something is about 75% of getting it done.

Do It Better: I still chickened out last night, from erging that is. What am I so afraid of!?

HEALTH

-Daily Nutrition-

9:00: Yogurt and Granola [200] Yes, I'm still obsessed with this granola. And! M&KT bought me the cool glass jar that I can get refilled.

10:00: Granola Bar [100]

1:30: Noodles Company Pesto Pasta and small Caesar Salad [~700]

6:30: Turkey Bites, Peanut Butter, Skinny Cow Ice Cream Sandwich [400]

Total: [1400]

I'm probably off on my numbers today, but it's nice to have a rough estimate. There was no resisting eating out today, I was both famished and starving for some good company.

-Body Works-

30 minute run on the Treadmill. I was really happy with this because my hip didn't hurt at all. It was a tad tweaky after my workout, but tons better than before.

Abs: Ball, Floor, Remix, Plank

Erging fun! I tried to work on the tips I learned yesterday from my personal erg trainer.

Fast Lap

I am particularly proud of my workout because I really didn't think I was going to get one in today. But luckily TB was nice enough to let me go home early, and despite my exhaustion I went to the gym. I am double happy about this because I'm dead set on making my April great. I really want to get over the last pound hump and on towards shaping my body. I'm motivated and can't wait to see some change.

4.1.09

2009-04-01T15:08:00.000-07:00

Positive: I had a laugh, even at my own expense, today.

Do It Better: Lately I've been a little under prepared. I'm blaming this with all the craziness going on in my life, but I'd still like to be better.

HEALTH
-Daily Nutrition-
9:00: Yogurt and Granola [200]
11:00: A couple of bites from Noodle Town [50]
12:00: Applesauce [110]
12:30: Orange [70]
1:00: Oatmeal and Granola [200]
3:30: Lean Cuisine Chicken and Vegetables [240]
7:15: Chicken Quesadilla on Whole Wheat Tortilla [350]
Total: [1220] I'd actually like to eat more than this, specially on days that I work out.

-Body Works-
20 mins Arc Trainer
Push Ups
Erg Lesson (Just talking, no pulling)
15mins Stair Mill
I would have liked to do more today, but my workout partner was not in the mood.

CAREER
So here is the big news: Starting April 13th, I will be the new Initial Eligibility and Compliance Officer for the Indiana University Athletics Department. I haven't talked about this until now because I really didn't want to jinx it. I found out the news on 3/31, so I know for sure it's no April Fools Joke. I did, however, sign the papers today and was given permission to tell anyone and everyone. My main job will be articulating high school transcripts to make sure incoming freshman are qualifiers with the NCAA. Further, it'll be my job to be in constant conversation with all the coaching staffs to make sure we/I am doing everything possible to get their recruits A) qualified and B) admitted. It's a high stress position, but one that comes with great experience for me. This means I'm leaving my internship a few weeks early; so the next 10 days or so are going to be incredibly hectic for me, but I'm up for the challenge! I got a J-O-B people.

3.31.09

2009-03-31T06:07:00.000-07:00

Positive: I desperately wanted to take a nap yesterday, but I didn't and instead got in a good workout.

Do It Better: I need to stop second guessing myself and just trust in my feelings.

So today is the last day of March. I remember that not that long ago I was singing March's praises. It definitely didn't disappoint. I think I was busier than I've ever been in my life. I want to repost the list I made way back on March 2nd:

3.6: Volunteering at the Big Ten Women's Basketball Tournament in Indy This was a great experience, and I got to see IU nearly beat Purdue. I really enjoy volunteering, and I need to actively seek out these opportunities in the future.

3.7: Running in the Plainfield 5K3.12: The wonderful M's Birthday, and she might be here IN BLOOMINGTON! Although my time was disappointing, I felt really good during this race. It was a beautiful location and I ran through a bit of exhaustion and a painful hip.

3.13: Volunteering at the Big Ten Men's Basketball Tournament in Indy More from above.

3.14: The start of SPRING BREAK Spring Break was a much needed hiatus from the wonderful little student-athletes. I really got organized and ready to go for the rest of the semester.
3.15: MY BIRTHDAY! and the Hoops 5K. Well my birthday was great. It was very low-key but I got to spend it with a lot of wonderful people, plus the celebration kept going for quite some time. I did breakfast with the cats, lunch with D, a nice workout, and drinks with A&E, Am, and D. I think I'll remember this day for quite some time.

3.17: St. Patty's Day! I laid low on St. Patrick's Day. But I was particularly productive, so I'm still saying it was a grand ol' time!

3.21: Softball's home opener and Big Ten opener vs Minnesota (BE THERE!) I was there, and we lost both games. However, it was our first games at home, and I do love IU Softball.
3.26: Softball vs. ISU (Two schools I love). This had one of the better endings I've seen while at IU. Specially because we won, and a FRESHMAN hit the game winner!
3.28: Rowing's home opener, Softball vs. Wisconsin Actually this day consisted of: Rowing, Rugby, Field Hockey, and Softball. I went to all of those events, despite the freezing cold! Rowing got it's first win, Rugby won the first game of the final four, the "Alumna" killed it in the Field Hockey game, and Softball split with Wisconsin! Yay first Big Ten win of the year!

3.29: More from the 28th. This was disgusting day outside, but I still managed to go to the Field Hockey game. However, I missed the Women's Soccer game, and I know I have to make that up.

HEALTH
So all in all, March lived up to the hype. However, since today is the last weigh in of this month, I'm disappointed to say that I gained .6lbs this month and 1.4lbs this week. It's almost comical at this point how hard the last few pounds have been to lose. But, I'm moving forward with a positive attitude and the belief that it will happen in April. I need to readjust my eating/working out so that I can get there already! I am currently 1.8lbs above my goal.

-Daily Nutrition-
9:00: Yogurt and Granola [150]
12:00: Granola Bar [100]
1:30: Applesauce [100]
3:00: Frozen/Michelina 5 Cheese Lasagna [280]
4:00: 2 Tagalongs, 5 Turkey bites [200]
7:00: Wheat tortilla chicken quesadilla, Mandarin Oranges [500]
Total: [1330]

-Body Works-
20mins Elliptical
15mins Recumbent Bike
Abs: Ball, Bicycle, Leg Raises, Oblique Machine

3.30.09

2009-03-30T19:05:00.000-07:00

Positive: I actually clocked in and out of work appropriately today! This is truly a feat of extraordinary proportions for me.

Do It Better: I ate out of tiredness when I got home today. I was so exhausted from the day that I just ate crap instead of fixing something nice.

HEALTH
So today was my first "exhaustion" test for the Hundred Push ups Program. I improved by 67% over my first max out. I'm impressed by this, but still thought I would do better. Luckily, I can physically see the results and that is really motivating.

-Daily Nutrition-
9:30: Honey Nut Cheerios and Soy Milk [140]
11:00: Granola Bar [100]
2:00: Healthy Choice Steamer, Scooby Snacks [370]
7:15: Two pieces of Turkey, Provolone, Turkey Pepperoni, Peanut Butter, Cinnamon Sugar Pita Chips, Grapes (Yes, I'm weird) [600]
Total: [1210]

While I really didn't consume that many calories today, I really felt fat. I know that is quite a boring thing to say, but it's how I felt. I think it stemmed from not working out and eating ice cream yesterday (that was CK's fault). I hate this feeling. I wish I could bottle it and take a dose every time I wanted to give up on a workout or eat something that isn't good for me. I'm excited about April. I think it might be the start of my first "Monthly Resolutions." I feel like I want to just go crazy in April... blow past my goal (which I still can't seem to hit)... increase my fitness and strength and just feel great for the summer. I know if I can get through April summer fun will help me maintain my weight for the next few months.

-Body Works-
30 mins treadmill
Push-ups
Abs: Ball, floor, remix, plank
Biceps: Barbell, dumbbell, hammer curls, Voortman curls, barbell
A little ergometer

It's crazy how going away from lifting for a bit makes everything so much harder. I don't think I really lost muscle/strength, I think I lost the mindset I need when I'm lifting. I'm hoping it comes right back to me.

3.28.09

2009-03-28T20:31:00.000-07:00

Positive: I'm posting tonight despite a 4 day hiatus.

Do It Better: I need to get more sleep. I know I've had friends staying with me, and that always limits sleep time.

Here is a quick update on all I did today: Rowing regatta (IU's 1st Novice, 1st V, and 2 V boats all won!), Women's Rugby Final Four (IU Won!), IU Softball vs Wisconsin (we split, and got our first Big Ten win of the year!). It was an action packed day on very little rest.

HEALTH

This week has been both stressful and wonderful. I'll give the details about work in the next few days, hopefully there will be fun details to give. But best of all, M and KT have been staying in my home since Tuesday. It's nice to have it feel so full! They are wonderful house guests who cook, and therefore cause me some problems with the whole weight gain issue. Luckily, they are also very understanding and don't get made when I leave them to get some runs in. Throughout the week I did not make it to the gym so much, but I was able to go on three outdoor runs. The weather was so nice, that I didn't mind this at all. With my hip still being temperamental, I had to take it a little easy (like not running longer than 2.5 miles, or at quick pace). But the important thing, is that I was active every day this "week." (My weeks are Tuesday to Tuesday because it's my weigh in day). I only took Monday off, and I've done something legit Tuesday-Saturday.

I just finished week two of the Hundred Push-Up Plan (Thank you JZ!). I have really liked this program thus far because I can really feel and see changes in my strength. Monday I get to do an exhaustion test to see how far I've come (I'm guessing it'll be around a 75% increase).

My eating has been off and on. Not ridiculously bad but not very healthy either. Further, I drank last night and today (not huge amounts, but enough to affect my caloric intake).

March has turned out to be busy busy busy. I am very happy that I have managed to lose a little bit of weight, maintained my fitness, and increased my strength. I have a big hopes for April. It is the last month before temperatures really start getting warmer, and I want to shed the last of excess weight so I feel good in my body for the summer. I'm hoping to have exact goals set. I will be finishing the push up program in April, so that's a good finisher. But I also want to develop weekly and total goals as well. Like a fastest mile pace, total number of miles run, and weight goals for all of my muscle groups. Hopefully, I find a dull moment sometime soon to really think about these goals.

For today:

-Daily Nutrition-

Granola bar, mini-bagel with reduced-fat Strawberry cream cheese, pear, Yogi's (French Fries, Chicken Velvet Soup, Black-Bean Burger, Woodchuck), Three bread sticks with Cheese and Ranch, some raspberry fudge from Nashville, IN. I have no idea how many calories all of this was, and for today I'm not going to worry myself with that.

-Body Works-

I started by doing my push-ups at home: 5 sets [16, 17, 14, 14, 20]. I also did abs at home before going to the gym to get in some quick cardio. 15 mins Arc Trainer and 15 mins Stair Climber. I felt pretty strong today and I'm looking forward to doing more intervals to start increasing my speed and fitness. Seeing the Rugby game today really motivated me to get in better shape. I did not lift weights, so I need to get back into schedule with that.

I typed in "fitness" into Google's Image search and this was one of the first pictures that came up:

My first instinct is to be really appalled by this photo. It's unfortunate that so many women/our culture sees strength and weight lifting as antithetical to femininity, thus the high heels and exaggerated/sexualized body. But perhaps there is a complexity here too that shouldn't be overlooked. Any thoughts? Anyways, this is not my ideal body/depiction of what I want my strength to look like. This is closer:

Or maybe I just think it's hot. Or both.

Ok, my "Do It Better" was to get more sleep, so perhaps I should do that.

See you on the flip.

3.24.09

2009-03-24T06:06:00.000-07:00

Positive: I rocked something involved with my job search (I'll talk more about this later).

Do It Better: Manage my time, so I sleep when it is needed! I only got 5 hours before a big day, and that's not good enough.

HEALTH
I have not updated in some time, actually it's been a week. But I have been very busy (for a good reason) so I am going to dismiss this as living a bit of life, instead of a failure on my part. As today is a Tuesday, it is also a weigh in day. Since last Tuesday I have lost .6lbs. This is another success because I did not workout either Sunday or Monday. So I am currently .8lbs above my goal weight. This is thrilling to me, but also scary because I know I will be tempted to forget about all my hard work and relax a bit.

My eating over the past week has not been great, but neither has it been horrible. My parents were in town this last weekend and I think that is my biggest challenge. They always take me to nice places with unhealthy food. What has been nice, however, is I think my metabolism has sped back up because I'm eating more and still losing weight. So, there are nice side-effects to eating more...

3.17.09

2009-03-17T07:28:00.000-07:00

Positive: I didn't go drink a lot of beer on this drinking holiday!

Do It Better: Live more in the moment. It is so hard for me to just enjoy the now instead of worrying about the tomorrow.

HEALTH

Today is a weigh in day. Honestly, I didn't have high hopes for today since my birthday was Sunday (yes, I used that as an excuse) and I didn't workout except for Pushups/Crunches yesterday. But, this past week I lost 3.6lbs and I am again 2.6lbs above my goal weight. I'm very happy considering the week before I gained over four pounds. I know a lot of of this was water weight, but I'm happy to see more typical numbers this week. I just want to hit my goal! I am hoping that being a little more flexible at work this week will help me finally reach the 20lb loss I've been striving for....

-Daily Nutrition-

Again not the best day in the world because my boss took me to lunch, but it most definitely could have been worse. I had:

9:00: English muffin and peanut butter [180]

11:00: Granola bar [100]

1:00: Scotty's Mo' Fo' Cluck Lite, some waffle fries (didn't eat all of this) [380,240]

3:30: Oatmeal and granola [220]

7:00: Chicken, tomato, cheese bowl (Yes, I made this up. It was good!) [100]

9:00: Two hot dogs, half a cookie, hard cider [650]

Total: [1970] I actually think this is good. But I'd like to eat less tomorrow.

-Body Works-

Ran 1 mile outside (No hip pain)

Erged for a bit (CK Help!)

Legs: Machine Squats [90,100,120, 140], Sumo Squats [20, 25, 30], Leg Press [110, 130, 150], Reverse Hamstring Curl [30, 50, 70], Abductors [70], Adductors [70], Calf Raises [double, 150 regular, in, out], Wall Sits [30 secs] So, yeah I'm weak, but I wanted to take it a little easy this time with my legs because it was after my last lower body lift that my hip really started bothering me.

Abs: Bicycles, Leg Lifts, Oblique Machine

3.14.09

2009-03-14T19:08:00.000-07:00

Positve: I finally worked on a project that I've been putting off FOREVER.

Do It Better: I need to learn how to make plans in ADVANCE.

So tomorrow is my big 2-6. I've pretty much felt 26 for the past few months, so it's not really a life shattering, oh I feel old moment. Cause I don't. The thing that makes me feel old is my damn hip. I can't run for much longer than a half mile now with out it bothering me. I'm not exactly sure what it is, even if it's muscular, tendon related, or who knows what else. Stupid hip.

HEALTH

-Daily Nutrition-

I ate really well today, especially for being home all day and being a little bored. Boredome = eating. I had cereal and soy milk, oatmeal and granola, a whole lotta peanut butter (my one flub), a lean pocket, and a granola bar and turkey bites after my workout. This totaled about 1400 calories for the day.

-Body Works-

I ran about two miles with the little puppy dogs today. Ruby is hilarious to take on a run. She only joined me for .5 mile because little French Bulldogs are not made to run. However, Boxers are, so Wriggy made it the other 1.5 miles. My run wasn't super intense because the dogs are not run trained, but it is so much more enjoyable to run with them.

I then went to the gym where I did a little more cardio, (the stairmill for 15mins) and some lifting. Abs, traps, lower back, forearms. It was a nice little workout. It felt good splitting stuff up. My birthday resolution is to set concrete strength and fitness goals. I need SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, timely) goals! I might have to converse with a few people to come up with some ideas. I still plan on doing the 100 push-up plan, as I did the initial test tonight. So there is one goal.

3.11 & 3.12.09

2009-03-11T08:48:00.000-07:00

I adore this picture. It reminds me of what we do every time we try to write life. The motion and power gets distilled into a stationary, fragmented moment. Good pictures, like good writing, still make you feel, think, or turn you on, but you never can feel the sand in your bathing suit or the sting of the salt in your eyes. But, I do adore this picture.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MO!

Positive: I love making spreadsheets, and I'm good at it, so there.

Do It Better: While this is a topic I've strayed from recently, I've realized again that I am letting fear control parts of my life. I can't be too scared to try new things.

Question of the day is: Which IU Women's Team would make the best Football team? The basketball players say it's them, the soccer players are sure it's them, and others are picking Track and Field. What say you?

HEALTH

-Daily Nutrition-

I am seriously reconsidering how I approach documenting my food. I downloaded a fabulous application for my iPhone and I'm not keeping track of specifics there, however, I would like to to talk about decision making, and food health here. Or I'm lazy and don't feel like writing it all out twice.

-Body Works-

I took Wednesday off. But I did workout tonight.

1.2 mile run

20 mins Arc Trainer

Abs: Ball, floor, remix

Biceps: Barbell curls, dumbbell curls, hammer curls, voortman curls, barbell curls

3.10.09

2009-03-10T18:00:00.000-07:00

Positive: I got up to do date on all of my emails yesterday. This is a task, and one I'm glad to be done with.

Do It Better: I'm not always good in awkward situations. Like I flee the scene.

I'm posting this retrospectively, so tense may be confusing.

HEALTH
Today was a weigh in day. A weigh in day I was not looking forward to. With all the eating of the weekend I knew I was going to gain lots of weight. And I did. I gained 4.6lbs since my last weigh in, putting me at 6.2lbs above my goal. This is a little more than it should actually be because of some other girl-related things, but still obvious how bad last week was. Thing is, I'm not freaking out about, and excited that I get to lose 4 more pounds! New goals: I think I want to try this 100 push-up program that JZ is doing. Like her I believe I will start with girl/"modified" push-ups and then restart to doing full /big-boy push-ups. I'm tired of being a weakling.

-Daily Nutrition-
9:00: Jimmy Dean Turkey Sausage Croissant [280] (Remember when JZ used to do reviews?, I would do one on this...)
11:00: Granola Bar [100]
12:00: Orange, Scooby Snacks [150]
1:00: Healthy Choice Whole Wheat Pasta [270]
6:30: Some cheese, broccoli, fruit, and ranch [~175]
8:00: 6 Turkey Bites [60]
Total: [1035]
This day felt right to me. I really like eating more in the morning and less at night. Seems to make sense with my body and activity level.

-Body Works-
20mins on an Elliptical like machine
Abs: Ball, Floor, Remix, Plank
1hr of Racquetball

3.5-3.8.09

2009-03-08T09:33:00.000-07:00

**Trust yourself, then you will know how to live.** Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

I really liked this quote, until I found this picture. He's a bit of a flamer no? I guess that means I love it more!

Positive: I worked out at 9am on a Sunday! Whoa.

Do It Better: Actively pursue happiness everyday.

So I have been MIA the past few days. I have eaten horribly, worked out occasionally, and gained some weight. So awesome times for me.

HEALTH

I am not going to post all of the crazy food I've eaten in the past half-week. Just think doughnuts and fast food. However, I will highlight a few things:

Friday I volunteered at the Big Ten Women's Basketball Tournament. Basically my job was to sit on the floor and make sure the bands and cheerleaders behaved. I got to work the IU vs Purdue game and the Iowa vs Minnesota game. Unfortunately IU lost, but I'm still crossing my fingers for the outside chance they get an at-large bid to the tourney. This was my view:

On Saturday I ran my second 5K. This time it was in the lovely little town of Plainfield, Indiana. It was sponsored by the Plainfield Recreation and Aquatics center which is incredibly impressive. Who knew small town Indiana could have such a bomb rec facility. Anyway, along with the 5K was a 15K, and both treks led runners throughout Plainfield's park system. Again, really nice and I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it. The major difference between the first 5K and this one was HILLS. The path was not straight, it went up and down, and it was quite windy. So a much harder course. However, I really enjoyed myself. I felt stronger in this race, except for the nagging hip, and I finished strongly. All was well and good until I found out my time, which was much slower than the first 5K, but I'm blaming that on all the added obstacles.

Also on Saturday, I got to go out on the motorboat for the first time because CK didn't ever think that I would like something like that! First, she's crazy. Second, she's real crazy.

Even Bloomington can be beautiful. I'd like to do that as much as possible, but maybe when the weather is more consistently warm.

So since it has been so long, I'm not going to post everything I've eaten, but rather give a synopsis:

I ate like crap.
I worked out reasonably well.

To a new start!

3.3.09

2009-03-03T06:19:00.000-08:00

Positive: After yesterday, when I felt like I sucked at my job, multiple people told me they valued me. Gotta remember that and work hard for them.

Do It Better: I've had the worst attitude about the late nights I work. That only makes them worse. So I need to readjust my attitude.

HEALTH
Today is weigh in day, and I've gone backwards this week (which makes absolutely no sense). I'm now at 18.4lbs lost which means I gained .4lbs this past week. That means I am 1.6lbs short of my goal. Who in the world would have thought the last three pounds would be so HARD to lose? I really have been good. I haven't eaten anything crazy. I workout at least 6 days a week. It is just proof that I need to push myself much harder. I run in the 5K on Saturday which means I'm going to take it a little easier up until then. I'm going to try and get in a 5K tonight, then take Wednesday off, run a fast mile on Thursday, and then do no running cardio Friday.

-Daily Nutrition-
9:00: Yogurt and Granola [200]
11:00: Cheez-Its [150]
12:00: Banana [100]
2:00: Chicken Fettuccine Healthy Choice (not good) [250]
6:30: Turkey and Provolone, Scooby Snacks, Peanut Butter [390]
8:30: Granola Bar [100] (There new and now only at 100 calories!)
9:15: Pear [100]
Total: [1290]

-Body Works-
Slow 5K
Abs: Bicycles, Leg lifts

3.02.09

2009-03-02T06:26:00.001-08:00

Positive: I think my strength is really starting to improve, not saying it is good, but it is improving.

Do It Better: I'm refraining from answering this today, because I was told straight out what I can do better.

March is here! March is one of my favorite months of the year, and not only because it is my birthday month. The weather starts turning from dismally grey and cold to sunny and warmer. Softball at home starts! It's March Madness! Spring Break. And now I also love that rowing begins in this wonderful month. Oh an my wonderful co-worker reminded me of the greenest of all holidays, St. Patrick's Day. I wake up in early March believing that things can always be better. It is the month of hope for me. Here's what's on tap for my March:

3.6: Volunteering at the Big Ten Women's Basketball Tournament in Indy
3.7: Running in the Plainfield 5K
3.12: The wonderful M's Birthday, and she might be here IN BLOOMINGTON!
3.13: Volunteering at the Big Ten Men's Basketball Tournament in Indy
3.14: The start of SPRING BREAK
3.15: MY BIRTHDAY! and the Hoops 5K.
3.17: St. Patty's Day!
3.21: Softball's home opener and Big Ten opener vs Minnesota (BE THERE!)
3.26: Softball vs. ISU (Two schools I love).
3.28: Rowing's home opener, Softball vs. Wisconsin
3.29: More from the 28th.

So really, how could it get any better? There are also a million other birthday's and happiness, so feel free to tell me why YOU love March. It'll just make me happier.

HEALTH
-Daily Nutrition-
9:00: Orange Juice, Honey Nut Cheerios and Soy Milk [190]
11:00: BIG Cheez-Its [150]
12:00: Banana [100]
2:00: Health Choice Chicken Steamer [280]
7:00: Hummus and Pita Chips, Turkey Bites [240]
9:00: CK style fruit smoothie, Chocolate/Strawberry Candies [500]
Total: [1460] Totally guestimating about the smoothie, but I'm pretty sure I went high.

3.01.09

2009-03-01T18:17:00.000-08:00

Positive: Today was a prime example of the growth I've experienced over the past few months. Regarding relationships, exercise, productivity, etc.

Do It Better: I need to make sure I'm talking to all of my friends. While I was better at this at the turn of the year, I've started slacking again.

HEALTH
-Daily Nutrition-
10:15: Ugli Fruit [70]
11:00: Yogurt and Granola [220]
5:00: Nutty Noodles [400]
10:00: Turkey Bites, Granola Bar [200]
Total: [890] I just don't really feel like this is possible. I ate plenty. My stomach was a little weird throughout the day, so I think my hunger was a little off.

-Body Works-

Ran an easy 5 miles. My hip is still bothering me, but I knew I needed to get a longer run in early this week since I'm running in the 5K on Saturday.
Oblique Ab Machine
Shoulders: Arnold Shoulder Press [10s, 12s, 15s], Circles, T's [5s, 8s, 8s], Circles, Shoulder, Delt Machine [30, 35, 40]

So even with my hip, 5 miles wasn't bad at all. Granted I ran it at a pretty turtle-like pace, but I'm glad I did it.

My resolution for the Month of March is stay on a budget. I realized that I spend approximately 93% of my monthly income on things I need like: rent, gas, food. Meaning I have a measly 7% to afford me entertainment and other happiness. Because I just got my federal tax return I have a lot more money than I'm used to having, so I want to use it well. Also, I have too much on my credit card at this point, and I'd like to pay that down into the manageable.

2.27 & 2.28.09

2009-02-27T06:08:00.000-08:00

Positive: I did something new! Went to my first Rowing event, and it was cold but still awesome.

Do It Better: I felt fat today. And that is just stupid on so many levels.

HEALTH
-Daily Nutrition-
2.27
9:00: English Muffin and Peanut Butter, 1/2 Cup of Orange Juice [250]
10:45: Grapes [40]
12:00: Peapods [40]
2:00: 2 Hot Dogs, Mandarin Oranges [280]
4:00: Pita Chips, Roasted Red Pepper Hummus, Scooby Snacks [200]
8:00: Two Beers, Veggie Burger, French Fries [800]
Total: [1610] I know I suck, I drank beer. But only two and I could have easily stayed out longer and drank many more.
2.28
8:00: Grapes, Peanut butter [150]
11:00: Egg Sandwich, Yogurt Parfait [600]
5:00: Turkey Bites, Granola Bar [170]
8:30: Nutty Noodles, Two Glasses Chianti, Green Tea Ice Cream, Yogurette [750]
Total: [1670] I'm not really happy that I got my calories in big chunks, but I did a good job of not over eating at dinner.

-Body Works-
2.27
27 minutes treadmill [~2.5 miles]
Abs: Bicycle, Holds, Lifts
Chest: Barbell Press, Dumbbell Press, Incline Press, FreeMotion Fly, FreeMotion Press, Incline, Fly, Decline
2.28
20 mins Arc Trainer
Abs: Ball, Floor, Remix

2.26.09

2009-02-26T19:49:00.000-08:00

Positive: I worked out even if I really just wanted to lay in bed. I also like that I try to see the beauty in everyone

Do It Better: Today, I saw what good happens when I go out of my way to talk to everyone. I should do this more!

HEALTH
-Daily Nutrition-
I don't really remember times today...
Morning: Granola Bar, Oatmeal and Granola, Yogurt [450]
Afternoon: Herb Chicken Steam from Healthy Choice (another A+) [310]
Evening: Grapes and Turkey Bites [100]
Total: [860] Obviously not enough. It's always nice to feel like you can eat more!

-Body Works-
So I am so sore from my workout on Tuesday that I can barely walk. However, I know it is so important to workout on top of soreness to help it go away faster. So I took it easy, but still went to the gym.
15 mins Recumbent Bike
15 mins Treadmill
Abs: Ball, Floor, Remix, Plank
I know this isn't much, but my legs would not allow me to do much. I guess if I really want to put mass on my lower body this is how I'm going to feel. It's ok, I like feeling worked from time to time. Makes me feel strong and accomplished.

2.25.09

2009-02-25T06:38:00.000-08:00

Positive: I had one of the most productive mornings I have ever had.

Do It Better: I still need to work on processing intense emotion.

HEALTH
-Daily Nutrition-
9:15: English Muffin and 1 tablespoon Peanut Butter [200]
11:30: Yogurt and Granola [200]
12:30: Grapes [50]
2:30: Light Michelina's Lasagna [230]
6:30: Chips and Salsa, Cheese Quesadilla, Bean Tostada, 3/4 Avocado Tostada [~700]
11:00: *stress induced eating* Austrian Chocolate/Strawberry candies [110]
Total: [1490] Assuming I'm anywhere close in my approximations for the Mexican food it wasn't a horrible day. Again, eating with 24 usually causes overeating so I shouldn't be mad at being under 2000 for sure.

-Body Works-
Today was my first day without working out in a quite some time. I pre-planned it. Felt bad about it all day and now wish I would have. But, my body needs rest, and I just hope to get after it tomorrow.

CAREER
There are more career happenings abreast, however, I going to refrain from discussing them until I am more certain of the matter. Saves me a bit of public humiliation if things go awry. Also, I abhor cover letters. No, I really abhor them. However, this morning, I felt so energized and ready to attack any project that came my way. I was a production machine. I think that just shows how working out/eating healthy works in tandem with the other parts of my life. I really felt like I could take on and accomplish anything in a timely/quality manner. Too bad it didn't last ALL day.

2.24.09

2009-02-24T09:00:00.000-08:00

Positive: I think I am doing a better job of communicating my feelings so that I don't "lash out" or recede from people.

Do It Better: I suddenly am cursing like my grandmother. While it works for her, I'm sure I can come up with better words to use.

HEALTH:
Today is a weigh in day! And I am proud to announce that I lost 2.8 pounds this week! That means I am now at a grand total of 18.8lbs lost, just a mere 1.2 lbs short of my ultimate goal. I really needed to see some movement this week because I was starting to play head games with myself. And now I not only see a change in the numbers but I feel a change in myself. I actually feel like I've lost that much weight. Feeling is believing?
-Daily Nutrition-
9:30: Banana [100]
10:30: Apple [70]
12:00: Oatmeal and Granola [250]
2:15: Birthday Cake [100]
2:30: Healthy Choice Steamer Chicken Margherita [300] (This was way above average).
6:30: Turkey Bites and Grapes [100]
10:30: Fruit Smoothie courtesy of CK [240]
Total: [1160]
A pretty good day outside of the birthday cake. But as JZ often says there are many food dangers in the office!

-Body Works-
15 mins on the Elliptical
Legs: Machine Squats, Leg Press, Dead Lifts, Reverse Hamstring Curls, Hips, Abductors, Adductors, Lunges, Sumo Squats, Wall Sits
45 mins of winning Racquetball
I killed my legs today, and felt stronger than I have in previous lower body workouts, so that is pretty exciting. At some point in my life I'd like to actually build muscle mass on my legs so that I am no longer chicken-legged. (Das Spring Chicken)

2.23.09

2009-02-23T09:39:00.000-08:00

Positive: I did a nice job presenting myself to someone new.

Do It Better: I'm letting insecurity get the best of me, especially this morning. How do I find confidence?

HEALTH
-Daily Nutrition-
9:45: Banana [70]
11:00: Oatmeal and Granola [200]
12:00: Yogurt and Granola [150] (I mean it really is the best granola ever)
2:30: Chicken Fettuccine Healthy Choice [200]
6:45: Turkey Bites, Apple [120]
8:30: Chicken Breast, Hummus, Pita Chips, Strawberries [400]
Total: [1070]

-Body Works-
26mins on the Treadmill (Yes, random time. I really just wanted to run two miles)
Abs: Floor, Bicycle, Leg Lifts

So I think this still goes under my "HEALTH" heading. Today I had like "hot flashes" of insecurity. The type that just makes me want to run out of the room and hide my face. I don't understand where this comes from because it is around the person that I think is least likely to judge me or think ill of me for making mistakes. I do think I dealt with those feeling better than in the past. Like, I actually talked about it instead of receding into myself! Imagine that.

2.20, 2.21, 2.22.09

2009-02-20T10:27:00.000-08:00

Positive: I was productive today, even if I did get up late!

Do It Better: I went two days without posting, so I should try to post more! Also, I'd like to post more of my intellectual stuff too.

HEALTH
-Daily Nutrition-
2.20
9:15: Yogurt and Super Fantastic Granola [200]
1:00: Beach Club from JJ (I ate it all instead of half) [562]6:00: Turkey Burger and a little Broccoli Cheddar Soup, Fun size Almond Joy [380+120+80]
Total [~1350]
2.21 (Day of the 5K)
7:00: English Muffin and Peanut Butter [200]
8:00: Granola Bar [130]11:15: Steak'n'Shake with my parents, Chicken Sandwich (with only half the bun), Fries, Side of Cheese, Peanut Butter Cup Cookie [550]
5:00: Hummus, Pita Chips, Strawberries [170]
8:00: Cheese Pizza Lean Pocket, Granola Bar [410]
10:00 on: Two Bud Light Limes, Three Shots of Patron, Two Jell-O Shots, Oreo Pie, Chicken Cheese Dip [1100]
Total: [2560] This is the most calories I've eaten in a day in 3 months. Obviously I went to a little shin-dig, drank a little too much and ate a lot too much. I feel gross again today about it. Why can't I take JZ's advice and quit with the alcohol? That is only the second time this month I've drank, but ugh. I'm getting little sleep and feel really lethargic.
2.22
11:30: Granola Bar and Strawberries [150]
1:00: Granola and Yogurt [250] (I'm addicted to this granola)
4:30: Two Thin Sliced Garlic and Lemon Pepper Chicken Breasts [350]
5:30: Roasted Red Pepper Hummus (mmmm) and Pita Chips, Orange [250]
9:45: Turkey Bites, Strawberries [85]
Total: [1085]

-Body Works-
2.20
15 mins treadmill
20 mins recumbent bike
Abs: Ball, Floor, Remix, Plank
Biceps: Barbell Curls, Dumbbell Curls [10s, 12s, 12s], Hammer Curls [8s, 8s, 10s], Voortman Curls [8s, 8s, 8s], Barbell Curls [16]
45mins Racquetball
Perhaps this was too much to do the night before my 5K, but I was feeling good, so I continued with my workout.
2.21
Polar Bear 5K run!
Yep, that's all I did. It went better than I expected and the weather was a lot nicer than it was supposed to be. I really enjoyed myself, but made 3 critical errors: I forgot my Nano and therefore was music-less. I forgot to put on my watch and therefore couldn't pace myself as well. I had my keys in my pocket so I had to carry them for the entire race. Also, I only slept 5 hrs before my run so that wasn't the best idea in the world. So, even though I'm pretty pleased with my time (for my first race with all those factors and that I wasn't pushing as hard as I could) I am still excited to improve. I am definitely registering for more 5Ks and am excited about training for them.
2.22
1.35 miles on Treadmill (9:30 mile with W&C)
15 mins on the Arc Trainer
Abs: Floor, Ball, Bent Windmill, Remix, Plank
Traps: Shrugs [15s, 17s, 20s] (I felt a lot stronger here today), Military Press [24, 30, 30]
Lower Back Raises [15, 15, 20]

2.19.09

2009-02-19T05:34:00.000-08:00

Positive: I managed to get to work on time even though I went to bed very late and woke up very late. This should be commended.

Do It Better: Communicate with my friends! It's funny to think I have a M.A. in Comm but find it hard to stay in good communication with the people I care most about.

HEALTH
-Daily Nutrition-
8:15: Yogurt and super awesome granola [250]
11:00: Granola Bar [110]
1:30: Hot Dogs! [300]
2:00: Sugar Free Pudding, Scooby Snack [140]
6:00: Chicken Fajitas, etc [800] The success here was that I did not eat a bunch of chips and salsa.
Total: [~1600]
Not that bad considering what I ate for dinner, could be up or down a bit depending on exact calories. I'm such a sucker for La Cha!

-Body Works-
30 mins treadmill (took it fairly easy because of my big dinner and the 5K on Saturday)
Abs: Ball lifts, Bicycles, Lower Ab Holds
Triceps: Overhead Exts [15, 17.5, 20], Kickbacks [5s, 8s], Rope Pull-Downs [40, 40], Tricep machine [30]
I didn't feel so hot today with stress, lower back soreness (1.5hrs of racquetball yesterday), and big dinner. But I did a reasonably good workout in less than an hour cause I got to the gym late.

CAREER
To anyone up in Indianapolis who cares, I did not get asked back to interview for the NCAA Internship. In retrospect, this was obviously my fault as I omitted a huge part of my interests and ability on the application. Also, my resume was not as fine-tuned as it is now, and I didn't capitalize on the contact I had. So all in all, bad app on my part. I am not taking this as a hit to the self-esteem because I know I did not put my best foot forward. And I may actually end up with something that pays a full salary instead of internship, so it could turn out for the better.
Also, KM is pulling some major strings at a job in Maryland, so anyone in DC might be excited about that. Now all I have to do is finish tweaking my resume. Further, there is a potential job possibility at IU, so I may end up staying here after all. I want to keep mum on that until I get further information.
And update from earlier, I am taking a self-esteem hit even if I'm trying to be logical about it. Failure sucks at any level, even when you know what you did wrong.

2.18.09

2009-02-18T06:19:00.000-08:00

Positive: I was a lot more "in the moment" today.

Do It Better: My communication with my mother has been strained lately. I think she still doesn't want to think of herself as needing help, and I'm still not sure how to talk to her about stuff.

HEALTH
-Daily Nutrition-
9:30 Honey Nut Cheerios and Soy Milk [130]
11:00: Granola Bar [110]
12:00: Mandarin Oranges [90]
1:30: Two hot dogs with Ketchup and Mustard, Sugar Free Jell-O Pudding Snack Pack [260]
6:15: Two slices of Turkey, Muenster, Scooby Snacks [240]
9:15: Two more slices of Turkey, Muenster, Pickles [160]
Total: [990] (Again I wasn't hungry at all throughout the day, but I realize this is not a good number)

I am thinking seriously about not tracking my specific calories anymore. I'm getting really down about not losing any more weight and I am just interested in trying something different.

-Body Works-
CK and I played racquetball for 1.5 hours. It was a decent workout but I left feeling like I should have done more. However, when I got there I was totally NOT about running or doing any other cardio. So, at least I got a little something in.

2.17.09

2009-02-17T05:55:00.000-08:00

Positive: I got up this morning (after hitting snooze twice) and worked out despite my reluctance.

Do It Better: I am the worst small-talker ever. I really think people think I'm rude because I don't know how to participate in small talk.

HEALTH
So I weighed in this morning and I'm sitting at exactly 16.6 lbs lost. So I haven't budged in a week. I'm starting to get a little down about all of it because I ate really well this past week and worked out every day. I just want to hit my 20lbs lost mark! I'm trying to hang on to a string of hope because I was doing my female thing this past week and I know that interrupts a lot of typical body stuff. So, if I have another good week and still don't lose anything next week, I'm really going to be bummed.

-Daily Nutrition-

7:30: 1 tablespoon of peanut butter [90]
9:15: Mini-Wheats and Soy Milk [220]
11:00: Granola Bar [110]
12:00: Yogurt with Scholars Inn Granola (the best Granola in the world! Our tutor coordinator got me some after we talked about it) [150]
2:00: Lean Cuisine Roasted Garlic Pizza, Scooby Snacks [420]
7:30: Chips and salsa, chicken fajitas [~700]
Total: [1690] The fajitas totally could have been more, I'm just guessing.

-Body Works-
30 mins treadmill [~2.5 miles]
Abs: Ball, Floor, Remix, Plank

I didn't do a lot, but I did it before work which is a new thing for me. I have dinner plans this evening so I knew I wouldn't workout after work. I'm very happy with myself for going, although in writing this it seems like I barely did anything.

2.16.09

2009-02-16T15:42:00.000-08:00

Positive: I think I did really good work with several of my students today. It was hectic but I managed to give them all quality attention/help.

Do It Better: I still want to be a better listener.

HEALTH
-Daily Nutrition-
9:30: Mini-Wheats and Soy Milk [220]
11:00: Grapes [40]
12:00: Sugar Snap Pea pods [40]
2:00: Fettuccine Alfredo Lean Cuisine and sugar-free Jell-O pudding [340]
6:30: 6 Turkey Bites, Granola Bar [170]
8:30: Turkey, Fruit Plate [160]
Total: 970 (I did not feel hungry ever today)

-Body Works-
20 mins Arc Trainer
10 mins NuStep
Shoulders: Press, Circles, T-Raises, Delt Flies

2.15.09

2009-02-15T06:59:00.000-08:00

Positive: I really enjoyed my day. I think that is a skill I should develop more.

Do It Better: It's very hard for me to "get going" in the mornings during weekends. I just want to lay and then everything gets pushed back so that I'm busy and stressed for the rest of the day.

HEALTH
-Daily Nutrition-
10:00: Granola Bar, Yogurt [230]
11:45: Pita Chips and Hummus [180]
2:00: Chicken Artichoke Lean Pocket [270]
3:30: Applesauce [90]
6:00: Two BlackBean Burgers, Boston Lettuce, Ketchup, Mustard, Pickle, Scooby Snacks [350]
9:45: Granola Bar, Mandarin Oranges [200]
Total: [1320]

-Body Works-
30 mins EFX Machine
Abs: Ball lifts, Bicycles, Raise and Holds
Chest: Barbell Chest Press, Incline Press, Machine Flies, FreeMotion Press (incline/decline)

2.14.09

2009-02-14T10:34:00.000-08:00

Positive: I was still productive today even though I was a little hungover.

Do It Better: I will say this until I change: Quit putting things off!

HEALTH
-Daily Nutrition-
10:00: English muffin, peanut butter, orange, grapes, granola bar [410]
1:00: Chicken Lean Pocket [220]
5:00: Pita Chips and Hummus [200]
7:30: Turkey and Muenster [140]

-Body Works-
15 mins Recumbent Bike
46 mins treadmill [~4.5 miles]
Abs: Ball, Floor, Remix, Plank
Back: Lat Pull Down [40, 40, 50], Rhombus Pull Down [50, 50, 50], Machine Row [50, 60, 70], Barbell Row [12s], "Bench Pulls" [45, 50, 45]

My runs this week have felt really great, I think it might be time to try to push myself more speed-wise. I am going to start signing up for some 5Ks (I've never done one before), which I'm a little nervous about because I've done very little running off of a treadmill. Yesterday I ran outside with the dogs, that felt great. Partly because of the weather, partly because it was nice to be outside, and mostly because I love these damn dogs. I wish I had them more so they could run with me more often.

Also, I drank for the first time this month last night and JZ is right, it kinda sucks. I think I want to only drink red wine for the rest of this month because of its heart healthy effects.

I haven't talked a lot about my mental health and I really should because I feel like I am at a completely different place than when I started this blog back on Jan. 1st. I was as depressed as I've ever been and I didn't foresee a lot of good coming from anything in my life. Now, a month and a half later, I'm almost as thin as I've ever been. I'm getting into pretty good shape. I'm just now starting to get some strength. I'm happy most of the time. Some days I still get scared about stuff I shouldn't, some days I get caught up on little things, and some days I let stress ruin me. But, this blog, this latest stint of working out, and my mom's health issues have been more motivating than pretty much any other point in my life. I really am concerned with health and all the appearance stuff that comes with it is a very welcome side effect. Last night, two people that I haven't seen in some time commented on how good I looked. I don't think I'm quite there yet, but they sure helped motivate me for the next workout.

2.12.09

2009-02-12T05:28:00.000-08:00

Positive: Despite having little time, I still managed a good workout today.

Do It Better: I need to spend more time with the cats. I think I've already said this, but I need to have a game plan that let's me feel better about being away from them for a majority of the day.

HEALTH

-Daily Nutrition-

7:45: English Muffin, 1tbspn Peanut Butter [190]
10:30: Apple [80]
12:30: Sugar Snap Peapods [40]
1:00: Lean Cuisine Chicken and Veggies, ginger snap cookie [387]
5:00: Pita Chips, Hummus, Granola Bar, Scooby Snacks [450]
10:15: Chicken (garlic powder & Lawry's), Ferrero Kuesschens [250]
Total: [1447]
I really need to try to eat less this late at night. But overall it was a quality day. Specially because I felt head achy all day and all I wanted to do was eat.

2.11.09

2009-02-11T08:16:00.000-08:00

Positive: I kind of cooked dinner! For someone who normally eats cold or microwaved food this is definitely a positive.

Do It Better: Be less of an idiot. I get to say this because even CK agreed with me.

HEALTH
So upon reading JZ's substance post about not allowing excuses I immediately responded with a defensive "When my mom is sick I can eat whatever I want and that isn't an excuse that is life." Well, some time later I've rethought my initial reaction and realized how hypocritical/stupid it would be to eat heart-attack inducing food because my mother had a heart attack. What my initial reaction should have been is: I don't have to beat myself up for eating badly in intensely stressful situations. So JZ is right; there are no adequate excuses for eating poorly. However, we don't have to think we fail because we sometimes do. The thing that gave my mom that heart attack was her inability to deal with stress; she really thinks she can be perfect all the time. One thing we all know logically is that perfection evades us - humans are imperfect creatures. It's why we are the only living thing that conceptualizes negative or lack. So, long rant short, I agree we JZ. I've used the following three excuses these past two weeks: my mother's hospitalization, friends were nice enough to pay for and bring food to my apartment so I *had* to eat it, and 24 (it is difficult to eat food in small quantities with her). I am not a bad person or less capable of eating healthily, I just can keep trying to be better.

In that vein, I'd like to take a more serious look at the nutritionally value and health effects of the food I'm choosing to eat. I have a history of heart issues on both sides of my family now, so I think it is really important to make a conscious effort to defend my heart against heredity. This includes food AND stress management. I already got the lecture from both my sister and my mother. I would love to hear what people use to manage their stress? Stress balls, sports, bubble baths, massages, reading? Let me know people! Maybe I'll try to start posting these myself.

-Daily Nutrition-
9:15: Homemade Parfait (yes, I made seven of these) [200]11:30: Yoplait Cherry Yogurt [100] (I obviously love yogurt)1:00: Lean Cuisine Chicken Fettuccine [270]
1:30: Grapes [50]
2:30: Chex Turtle Bar (I said they were awesome) [130]
6:00: Pita Chips and Hummus, medium Apple [230]
9:00: CBLT, Edamame [350]
10:00: Ferrero Kuesschen [53]
Total: [1393]
All in all not a bad day. I wish that I wasn't eating so late, but it makes the most sense when I work out at night. Otherwise I want to puke at the gym.

So maybe one day I will actually post:
1. Resolutions
2. Stuff about work
3. And as JZ calls it, substance.

See you on the flip.

2.10.09

2009-02-10T05:54:00.000-08:00

Positive: I have made my bed for the past two weeks! This is an accomplishment!

Do It Better: I still need to work on my procrastination. It's like I do stuff on purpose to stress myself out.

HEALTH:
I did not post a weight in for last week, probably because I was trying to overcome Superbowl weight. But I remembered to do it this morning so I am now at 16.6lbs lost. That means in the last two weeks I technically only lost .6lbs. However, I lost all the Superbowl weight plus .6lbs, so I am cool with that. I would like to lose 3.4lbs more to hit my goal.

I think I'm at that point where I am generally happy with my weight, so it is harder to motivate myself. Also, I think my body is becoming accustomed to my workout routine, therefore it is harder to lose weight. So I got to do two things: re-motivate and try something new. Perhaps a spinning class, more pilates, real erg-ing?.

-Daily Nutrition-
8:45: Homemade Parfait [200]
11:00: Banana [80]
12:00: Chex Mix Turtle Bar [130] (Super fabulous)
1:00: Lean Cuisine 4-Cheese Pizza [360]
6:15: Chilli's w/#24, Chips and salsa, Southwestern Egg Rolls, Chicken Fajita Quesadillas, French Fries (none of these were full orders) [100, 350, 750, 150 ~ 1350]
Total: [~1990]

-Body Works-
30 mins on the treadmill
Legs: Squat Machine [80, 90, 100], Leg Press [90, 110, 130], Reverse Hamstring Curls [30, 50, 60], Abductors [70, 90], Adductors [70], Calves, Lunge-ups, Wall Sit, Sumo Squat
Fake Erg-ing (I don't do real erg-ing til coach shows me how)
Fast Lap

I was emotional at this workout. I don't know if it was my mom (she goes home tomorrow), recent personal stuff, or work. Probably all three. But I was sad or pissed or both throughout most of this workout. Then because of giant meal (see above) I wanted to puke at the end. Oh and cry. So, I feel like if LD was here she'd call that a successful night.

2.09.09

2009-02-09T08:45:00.000-08:00

Positive: I worked out when I felt like death after work. I was just so worn out. But CK and I still did it!

Do It Better: Just say what I am thinking!

HEALTH
-Daily Nutrition-
9:15: Homemade Parfait [200]
11:00: Banana [80]
1:15: Lean Pocket [260]
1:30: Turkey Bites [180]
6:15: Granola Bar and Grapes [130]
8:30: Chicken Fried Rice, 2 pieces of crab rangoon, shrimp and broccoli, 2 German Kisses [~950]
Total: [2000] Yes I realize that doesn't add up, but I'm sure I underestimated the Chinese food.

-Body Works-
~2.3 miles on the track
Abs: Ball, Floor, Remix, Plank
Biceps: Barbell curl [12 @ 24], Dumbbell Curl [10s, 10s, 10s], [8s, 8s, 8s], Voortman Curls [8s, 8s, 8s], Barbell half/half/full [18 @10]

2.08.09

2009-02-08T10:37:00.000-08:00

**They've now decided to call what my mom had a heart attack. She is doing better today, but in the ICU until all the markers of a heart attack are out of her blood. So hopefully she'll get to come home tomorrow and begin the recovery process.

Positive: After getting groceries I actually took the extra time to make 7 fruit and yogurt parfaits for the week. Good working ahead!

Negative: I've been really down about my lack of weight loss the past few weeks. I need a kick in the pants.

HEALTH
-Daily Nutrition-
11:00: Mini-wheats and soy milk [250]
1:30: Homemade Yogurt Parfait [200]
3:45: 4 Turkey Bites [40]
4:30: Guac-dip, blue chips, grilled chicken breast, yogurette [800]

-Body Works-
20 mins Arc Trainer (it was actually great today JZ)
16 mins bike
5mins basketball
Triceps: Overhead exts [15, 17.5, 20 @10], Kickbacks [5, 5, 8 @10], Rope pulldowns [20, 20 @10], Tri Machine [30, 20 @ 10], 30 dips, Overhead Ext to failure [~15]

I can't believe it is already Sunday night. Boo. I have to work.

2.07.09

2009-02-07T12:20:00.000-08:00

**So I got a call from my Dad at 3:30 today saying that they thought my mom had a heart attack. An hour later he called back saying that she actually had stressed induced cardiomyopathy. This is a painful condition in which the endorphins from stress sort of mis-shape your heart. Therefore, the bottom part gets squeezed out like you are making balloon animals. I drove up to see her for a few hours tonight. She will be in ICU for the night and hopefully go home in the next day or so.

Positive: Lately, I have been super productive on the weekends. Something about doing laundry, working out, and tidying that makes me feel good.

Do It Better: I need to give my cats more time during the week. I can tell they miss me so much when I'm actually here on the weekend.

HEALTH
-Daily Nutrition-
10:30: Homemade fruit and yogurt parfait [235]
12:00: 1tablespoon peanut butter [90]
2:00: Chicken and potato Lean Cuisine and 1/2 cup of applesauce [270] Yes, that LC was only 180 calories, crazy. I could eat two and be on track.
7:15: Chick Fil-A with my Dad [1100]
10:30: Cinnamon Sugar Pita Chips [100]
Total [1795] Obviously I'm allowed to eat whatever I want today.

-Body Works-
Today I went to the gym around noon. Spent a good hour and a half there. I'm glad I went before the whole mom thing happened.

45 mins on the treadmill [~4miles]
Shoulders: Shoulder Press [8s, 10s, 12s], Front/Back Shoulder Rotations, T Raises [5s, 5s, 8s], Big/Little Circles, Reverse Fly Machine [8s, 30, 30]

Need some sleep, I'm worn out.

2.06.09

2009-02-06T10:55:00.000-08:00

Positive: Fundamentally I am a sound writer. I may not be the most interesting to read, but I think I do alright.

Do It Better: I did not balance my temptation well today (see nutrition). I can do a better job of limiting the portions of my "bad foods."

I would just like to start by saying that Ani Difranco is the greatest female guitar player of our time, perhaps all time. Please check out this fabulous site that lets you watch her live. The guitar in her new song Present/Infant is freaking gorgeous. I'm not usually a big fan of songs about people's kids, and the lyrics of this song specially near the end are a little predictable. However, the music is still beautiful folks. How do people fill the silence of space with such things?

HEALTH

-Daily Nutrition-

8:30: Granola Bar and orange juice [190]
10:00: Scooby Snacks [80]
1:00: Panera, Frontega Chicken, Broccoli and Cheddar Soup with Baguette, shortbread cookie [1250] Holy Crap I ate too much. But at least Panera gives out their nutritional information.
6:30: 12 Turkey bites, Granola bar [230]
9:30: 1 slice turkey [30]
Total: [1780]

I can't get it out of my head that this is too many calories for a day, but I don't think it is that horrible either. I could have easily cut the cookie out of my day, but the Panera nutrition site lied to me (or I completely read it wrong) and I thought it had 1/3 the calories it actually did. Ah well, not going to beat myself up over it.

-Body Works-
Ran 2.5 miles on treadmill [30 minutes with W&C]
Did 15 mins on the NuStep [50 flights]
Abs: Ball, Floor, Remix, Plank
Fast Lap

Good work out with awkward pauses, like random guy talking to CoKi and me. I, like JZ, also need to do a long run soon, except my long runs are only like five miles. Also, here is my explanation of the Arc Trainer, which JZ hates. I only do it on days that I need a low-impact, high cal burn. I don't do it on a crazy high setting like some, instead setting it lower and trying to do it faster. And, and this is and important and, I never do it for more than 20 minutes. This way I don't get bored. Oh, and I like it better than the elliptical because my feet don't fall asleep. Anyway, it is mostly a variation so I don't get bored running. I have exercise ADD.

One of these days I'm going to have a post that is more substantial, but who knows when that will be.

2.4 & 2.5.09

2009-02-05T08:05:00.001-08:00

Positive: I am getting involved with several programs at work that I had a great deal of interest in but very little experience. Diversify my portfolio!

Do It Better: I need to do a better job of asking people questions about their personal life. I never want to be intrusive, but I think that I come as cold from time to time.

Yesterday (2.4) I went car shopping with my parents. My lease on my Infiniti is up on the 9th, so it was time for me to make a decision. However, being with my parents stresses me out for a variety of reasons, but I think it mostly comes down to how different their communication styles are. This causes: 1. Fighting between them 2. Me trying to communicate in two different ways at the same time, which usually causes tension between me and one of my parents and 3. I over-eat because I'm stressed out. Anyways, at the end of the day I love them so much and can't say enough about what they do for me and the opportunity they have afforded me, but damn it's hard.

HEALTH

-Daily Nutrition-

2.4

7:45: Oatmeal [130]
9:30: Granola Bar [110]
12:00: Steak and Shake with the parents, Single grilled chicken and fries [544]
2:30: 3 Krispy Kreme doughnuts [800] I mean really! I even felt gross after I ate them
8:00: Chicken Chili with cheese and oyster crackers [450] This was so good and I would share the recipe but EH made it.

Total: 2034 (I think pretty good for 800 calories of doughnuts)
----------------------------
2.5

7:45: Granola Bar [130]
10:00: Scooby Snacks [80]
10:15: Hot Chocolate delivered by #24 [370]
11:00: Half of an apple pie from McDonald [125] (BB gave this to me and I couldn't say no!)
12:00: Yogurt [100]
2:00: Chicken Chili [450]
7:00: Peanut butter, 6 turkey bites [240]
10:45: 1 piece of turkey [30]
[1525]

-Body Works-
2.4
This was a quick workout cause I wanted to spend some time with my favorite softballer who is leaving today for California! Yay, the start of softball season.

2.25 miles on the treadmill
Abs: Ball, floor, ab remix, plank, oblique machine
Some erg-ing (I need CoKi's help!)
-----------------------------------
2.5

1 mile on the track

20 mins on the EFX

Chest: Barbell bench, dumbbell bench, incline press, free fly, machine fly, press to fatigue

Back: Lat pull down, erector pull down, machine row, laying row
-----------------------------

So I got to leave work early today to go pick up my new car. It looks like this. I lost a lot of things from my Infiniti, but I also gained a few:

Although I'm not paying for it for the first couple of months, it is still my first big purchase. I was crazy stressed out about it until my mom said, "The Rogue is the right choice." And then I was like, oh yeah, duh. Doesn't matter how old you get, sometimes you still need your mom to help you out. On the drive home, I found out she was totally right.

2.03.09

2009-02-03T14:49:00.000-08:00

Positive: I've got to work with our MAP program this week, yay Multiculturalism!

Do It Better: I need to post more consistently and expand beyond my daily eating/workouts.

HEALTH
-Daily Nutrition-

9:30: Oatmeal & Granola Bar [240]
11:00: Pear [95]
12:00: 2 slices cold cheese pizza (yea, I know) [480]
2:00: Yogurt [100]
5:30: Lean Cuisine [220]
6:00: Candy [100]
Total: 1235

1.31.09

2009-01-31T12:24:00.000-08:00

Positive: I displayed a lot of patience yesterday. When it comes to my personal life I'm not very good about waiting...

Do It Better: I need to keep my nose in my own business. There is so much I need to focus on with myself that I need to quit worrying about fixing other people.

HEALTH
-Daily Nutrition-

10:00: Oatmeal [130]

11:00: Lean Pocket [260]

1:00: Fruit and Yogurt Parfait [270]

3:00: Hummus and Pita Chips, 6 Turkey bites [220]

7:30: 3 boneless chicken wings, 2 crispy green bean fries, 3/4 turkey burger, 1/2 broccoli, 2 shots patron [150, 20, 350, 40, 180 = 740]
Total: 1620

So I am apparently making up for last week's lack of calories with an over abundance of calories this week. Boo.

-Body Works-

My hip is a little sore after yesterday's run. I feel like I'm turning into my father, before long it'll be my toe. I had to do my workout quickly again tonight because it was DC's birthday!

15 mins on the arc trainer [ the machine says I burned around 150 calories, but that's hard to believe]

I erg-ed for a bit, I like doing this as a capper to my workout, just to feel like I really did something. I'm not sure CK would approve

Abs: Ball, floor, ab remix

Fast lap

It may not look like a whole much, but I definitely knew I did something today. It was really good and I felt pushed cardiovascularly.

1.30.09

2009-01-30T15:36:00.001-08:00

Positive: I recognized when my hunger was related to emotions. This whole week I have wanted to emotionally eat. And I have. But I think the first step is recognizing it.

Do It Better: Give myself a break. I've been going non-stop for a few weeks, and I need a day to myself. I just need to get my shit together.

So this is day 30 for me in this whole blogging business. Miss JZ is celebrating 60, so congrats! I really feel like I want to turn the corner in my weight loss. It's time to leave number obsession behind and start really focusing on fitness (a whole new set of numbers to focus on). I want to be better at everything I do, but to know if I'm making gains I'm going to have to set some new markers. I'm interested in endurance, strength, and mental focus. I'm not sure how to measure the last... and I'm not sure the extent in which I'd like to get into the others... I just know I'd like to be better than I am. Maybe over the weekend I'll set out specifics.

HEALTH

-Daily Nutrition-
8:00: Apple [72]
11:00: Yogurt [100]
1:00: Chicken Parm Sandwich from Mancino's [~700]
2:00: Sugar-Free Jell-O Pudding [60]
6:00: 8 Turkey Bites, hummus and pita chips, mini-wheats and soy milk [470]
9:45: Two slices turkey, piece of muenster [120]
Total: 1522

-Body Works-
4.5 miles on the treadmill (this is good for me!)
Abs: Ball crunches [50], floor crunches [50], Ab remix [15 secs], Oblique Machine [15 @40]
Lower body Circuit: Machine squats, leg press, dead lifts, rev. hamstring curls, abductors, adductors, calf lifts, lunge ups, wall sit
Quick Lab

1.29.09

2009-01-29T19:42:00.000-08:00

Positive: Today someone asked me what I liked best about myself, and I actually had an answer. In the past, I'm not sure I would have.

Do It Better: When I know my feelings, I need to be more outspoken with them.

I took a day off yesterday. We had snow, and I had to play in it! I guess you can say I got a mini-workout in by shoveling parking spots and playing around in the snow. It was all good until I lost my keys. :(

Today was a new day.

HEALTH
-Daily Nutrition-
9:00: Banana, granola bar [200]
11:00: Yogurt [100]
1:00: Lean Cuisine [260]
2:00: Fruit [60]
6:00: Pita chips and hummus, mandarin oranges, 6 turkey bites, granola bar [430]
8:00: Turkey, muenster cheese, granola bar [230]
Total: 1280

I was starving all day today. I just never felt like I was full. Maybe that's because I ate three granola bars. I mean really, I need to vary my food a little better.

-Body Works-
20 mins on the recumbent bike
Some fun on the erg
Biceps: Barbell curls, dumbell curls, hammer curls, voortman curls, barbell curls
Abs: Ball crunches, floor crunches, ab remix (with arm extensions this time)
Fast lap

I still haven't had time for an all-out workout in quite some time. I want go in and just get after it one day, but to do that I need a little time!

1.26 & 1.27.09

2009-01-26T10:11:00.000-08:00

Positive: I actually planned something for someone else today. I'm usually not a good gift giver or party planner. But lately, I've realized I do much better when I set "dates" for things.

Do It Better: Learn how to say no!

So today, the 27th, is my weigh in day. I'm at exactly 16 pounds lost. That means I lost 2.2 pounds last week. I seem to do this up and down through the course of the week, I have been every where from minus 18 to minus 15, so I don't think 18lbs lost is that far away. I think my new goal now is to lose a total of 20lbs. So only four to go!

HEALTH

-Daily Nutrition-

9:00: Yogurt [100]

11:00: Banana [80]

1:15: Lean Cuisine Chicken Pizza [340]

2:00: Grapes [40]

4:00: Wheat Cheese Crackers [190]

8:30: 6 turkey bites, Aver's Cream and Crimson with no Bacon 2 slices, 1.5 glasses of white wine [~730]

Total: [1580] I'm a little disappointed with myself. Eating all that after I worked out is just stupid.

-Body Works-

20 minutes on the Arc Trainer

Abs: Ball crunches, floor crunches, ab remix, oblique machine

Triceps: Overhead exts, kickbacks+, pulldowns, tricep machine, dips

Not the best workout ever, but considering my time constraint, I'm glad I worked out at all.

Tuesday
-Daily Nutrition-
9:00: 2 pieces of Aver's Cream and Crimson pizza [~500]

11:30: Sugar snap peapods [50]

2:15: Chicken Primavera Lean Cuisine [220]

6:30: Mark Pi's, crab rangoon, spring roll, chicken and broccoli [850]

Total: 1620

So this week is already way different than last week. I feel kind of gross after today. But, there is nothing to do but be better tomorrow.

1.24 & 1.25.09

2009-01-25T07:57:00.000-08:00

Positive: I did not make any rash decisions. Maybe this means I'm thoughtful and willing to take my time about big choices.

Do It Better: I over-estimate the meaning of some things. Like eating soy makes me this type of person. Sometimes, it's just eating.

HEALTH

I was with my parents for most of the day yesterday which means I overeat. I didn't do too bad, but still ate out twice yesterday.

-Daily Nutrition-

Saturday

8:15: Grapes and granola bar [150]

12:00: Lunch at Steak'n'Shake, single grilled chicken melt with no honey mustard and half the bun, small fry, cheese [500]

6:30: Dinner at Rock Bottom, veggie burger, half a beer, some fruit [600]

Total: [1250]

Of course this amount may not be entirely accurate but I rounded up on everything, so I think it should cover what I actually ate for the day. Not bad considering I ate out twice, was with my parents, and was emotionally stressed from car shopping.

Sunday

11:00: Hummus and Pita chips, 1 tablespoon of peanut butter [240] (Yes I know this is a weird combination]

1:30: Fruit smoothie [~280]

4:00: Grapes, 6 turkey bites [90]

6:30: Chicken Fettuccine Alfredo Lean Cuisine, Banana [300]

8:00: Granola bar, scooby snacks [200]

10:00: Grapes [30]
Total: 1140

So two pretty decent days.

-Body Works-
I did not work out on Saturday. But there really was not an extra moment in the day to make it happen, so I'm not being mad about it.

I did work out today and it was a pretty good workout. I saw MM and everything!

Treadmill: 3.3 miles
Abs: Ball crunches, floor crunches, and the ab remix
Shoulders: Herman press, shoulder press, circles, t lifts, delt machine [1 set of each, 12 reps, various weight]
Finished with a fast lap (1/6 mile as fast as I can)

My workouts recently have felt rushed because I always have something to do or somewhere to go, so I need to make more of an effort to have at least two workouts a week that aren't rushed by other events.

INTELLECT
So, this whole car shopping escapade has made me start thinking about my mentality towards "nice" things and about mobility. I feel like I have too much stuff. It's such an interesting question because I've always enjoyed my dad's way of doing things: Spend what you got and enjoy it, get the extras, indulge where you can. I know I am content with less and I don't know why I get caught up so much with wanting "nice" stuff. I do have an addiction to techy stuff, and that probably will never go away, but I would like to make an attempt to worry less about stuff. Probably more on this later as I attempt to find a new car.

1.22.09

2009-01-22T20:03:00.000-08:00

Positive: I tried learning something new today. I don't know if I can wait til my resolutions to start doing this more often.

Do It Better: Be ok with myself when I don't do everything I want to in a day. I can't do everything.

HEALTH
-Daily Nutrition-
8:45: Oatmeal [130]
10:30: Granola Bar [110]
1:30: Baked Chicken Lean Cuisine [240]
7:30: Chicken, Red Pepper, and Spinach salad with vinaigrette [400]

Total: 880. Ok seriously, I need to eat more. I'm contributing most of this to the first week of study tables. When I figure out how to eat sooner, I'll be eating more. 1200-1400 is the goal! Kick up that metabolism.

-Body Works-
I didn't get a work out in today. But I'm ok with this being my rest day. I worked out Friday, Twice Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and so I deserve a break every 7 days! However, the last two weeks haven't been my best and I'd really like to take it up a notch next week.

Maybe sometime I'll have time to post before 11pm and have the energy to say everything I'm thinking. Until then... see you on the flip.

1.21.09

2009-01-21T16:43:00.000-08:00

Positive: I'm not afraid to get fired up about causes that are important to me. I like that I'll stand up for what I believe in.

Do it better: It's very difficult for me to say no to people.

HEALTH
-Daily Nutrition-
9:45: Yogurt [100]
12:15: Snap Peas [70]
12:30: Chicken Primavera Lean Cuisine [220]
2:00: Orange Juice [150]
6:30: Passion Tea Lemonade [130]
7:45: Granola bar, turkey bites [170]
10:00: Two tablespoons of peanut butter [190]
Total: 1130

Again, not as many calories as I was hoping for, but better than I have been doing.

-Body Works-
I only had a half an hour to work out, so it was another short one.

20 minutes on the arc trainer
Coki's ab remix, ball crunches, floor crunches, oblique machine

The ab remix was created by a rowing coach at IU and I'll do my best to describe it. You get in the crab-walk position (knees through shoulders parallel to the floor) and hold that, then you raise your right foot about 45 degrees, then your left, then you go into side plank, then plank, then the other side plank, then back to the crab position. So, as you get better you increase the duration of each position. I'm now doing 15 seconds. Her team is doing 30 (so that's what I'll shoot for).

1.20.09 aka "President Barack Hussein Obama"

2009-01-20T19:15:00.001-08:00

Positive: I forgave today. I forgave myself and I think that's one of the hardest things for me to do.
Do It Better: I didn't get any sleep last night. I can't do that to myself because I am useless the next day.

HEALTH
-Daily Nutrition-
9:30: Some grapes[30]
11:00: Granola Bar [110]
12:30: Yoplait Yogurt [100]
1:15: Chicken and Dumpling Soup [380]
7:30: Pita Chips and Hummus; 6 Turkey Bites [240]
10:15: Two pieces of turkey, muenster cheese [140]
TOTAL: 1000

This is my third day in a row with less calories than I should be eating. I really think that it is important for me to eat around 1200-1400 calories daily for my metabolism to be at its highest. Unfortunately, eating that much makes me hungrier! But it's my goal tomorrow to get at least 1200 calories. Now, more than likely, I'll eat a million calories. But alas, what can a girl do? I am actually shocked by the lack of cravings I'm having. My main goal is just to only eat when I'm hungry, and I've really done well at that lately.

The Weigh In: I gained weight back that was supposedly lost over the weekend, however I'm still happy. My new total weight lost is: 13.8lbs. It sucks to write that when just this weekend I hit 16lbs, but that means, it's not far away.

-Body Works-
3.5 miles on the treadmill
Abs: Coki's ab remix, ball crunches, floor crunches, oblique machine

My workout was a little short because I went to the gym late. However, at about 3 this afternoon, I thought there was no way I was going anywhere. But when I got home, I made up my mind and decided I am the type of person who goes to the gym even when I'm tired. And low and behold, I went, and it felt great. My run was really good, I felt in rhythm and only got bored near the end. I do need to get in some lifts though. I've been concentrating so much on cardio and abs that I am neglecting one of my favorite things to do. I need a super awesome trainer to give me super awesome workouts (Kind of like MM and LD).

INTELLECT
Today, like millions of other people, I watched as Sen. Barack Obama became the 44th President of the United States of America. The enormity of the moment is not lost on me. But outside of the tradition, ceremony, and hope that was enacted today, I was really intrigued by the amassing of people to witness this event. At Assembly there are only a few TVs, so people gathered round to watch the inauguration in medium sized groups. There were around 10-15 of us in the weight room office all pointed toward the 20 inch screen in the corner. I think it was a symbolic moment in what I hope will be our new President's ability to bring people together.
His speech was just enough, although the fierce liberal in me always wants him to go farther. I am part of one of the few minorities in which it is perfectly legal to discriminate against. While I see hope in our future, I long for a country that would embrace me.

Today is about forgiveness. It's time to forgive our country for it's past mistakes, the hatred we've supported, the apathy we've shared, and the disinterest that silences. Tomorrow is about action.

Ok, I'm trying to sleep tonight, so see you on the flip.

1.18.09

2009-01-18T10:19:00.000-08:00

Positive: I really love playing pool. Lesson: Play it more!

Do It Better: I am unrealistic about what I can get done in a day, and then I get mad at myself for not getting it all finished. Lesson: Be more realistic!

HEALTH
-Daily Nutrition-
12:00: Grapes, 3 turkey bites [80]
1:15: Lean Pocket [220]
6:00: Hummus and Stacy's Pita chips, chicken and vegetables Lean Cuisine [400]
7:30: Granola bar [110]
Total: Well this is more like a sub-total cause I'm a little short on calories. [810]

-Body Works-
I laid in bed until about 3 today. That's what staying up til 4am will do to you, I suppose. Also, I woke up at about 7am with ridiculous leg cramp. However, Coki got me up to go work out.

20 minutes on the recumbent bike [5 miles]
Abs - ball crunches, floor crunches, plank, oblique machine
20 minutes on the treadmill [1.5 miles]
Shot some hoops for about 15 minutes

I think it was a combination of not eating enough, drinking, and being dehydrated that made me absolutely exhausted after working out today. But it's nice to be back into it again.

I got work to do!

1.17.09

2009-01-17T06:54:00.000-08:00

Positive: While I haven't worked out much this week, I am still eating really well and managing to lose weight. Lesson: I don't have to be perfect.

Do It Better: I think that I limit myself too much. I only do things I'm used to doing. Lesson: Branch out!

HEALTH

This week has shown how hard it is to get back to working out regularly when I miss a few days. However, as crazy as it was at work this week, I can't be too mad at myself. I have to get through one more week of craziness and then things settle down again in to more of a routine. Routines are great for workout schedules.

My workout today was good. My mindset was not. I did a decent job of pushing myself, especially after not working out consistently this week, but I just couldn't get out of the trap of comparing myself to other people. Working and hanging out with Division 1 athletes is not good for the psyche people. It's so hard to understand that me not being "as good as" them is ok. There are very few people in the country that have their ability and access to the type of resources they have to get in amazing shape. All that being said, it is still nearly impossible for me not think... I can't or I'm not. I wonder at all if this works similarly in academics? There has to be a way to push through that. I am around so many nice people that are willing to help me with things, show me how to do new exercises, and I don't because of the paralyzing effects of: "I'm not good enough."

I've never officially said this, actually I don't know if I can say anything officially, but I'd like my weigh in days to be Tuesday. Since I didn't give an update this past Tuesday, as of this morning I've lost 14.4 pounds. I keep changing my goal because the weight keeps coming off, but it doesn't seem real yet. I can't believe I'm at this weight. I think I have "fat girl mentality." Where I am one weight but I always see myself as much heavier. Anyways, I'm 2.8lbs below my original goal. I am 2.2 lbs above my re-calculated goal, and now, I don't know exactly how low I'm interested in going. I'm only 4.2 lbs away from the lowest weight I've ever been in my adult life (granted I am not as muscular as I was then). So maybe that is the goal. And then I will really focus on my fitness and body fat.

Now to the specifics:

-Daily Nutrition-

Thankfully, I got up kind of late today, which always leads to weird eating:

11:00: Medium Apple, 3 turkey bites [105]

1:00: Whole-wheat pita chips and hummus, 3 turkey bites, a cherry Yoplait yogurt [310]

7:00: Coki's party: 6 shrimp and cocktail sauce, two wheat crackers and spinach dip, home-made pizza with chicken, turkey pepperoni, mozzarella, roma tomatoes, two beers [700]

11:00: Three patrons [300]

-Body Works-

30 mins on the treadmill [fast mile, rest, fast 1/2 mile, cool down]

Abs - Ball crunches, floor crunches, plank

Upper body circuit - Chest press, lat pull, shoulder press, tricep overhead ext, bicep curls [all 1 set at 15 reps]

This was only my second workout of the week and it was noticeable more difficult than previous workouts. I also tweaked my hip a little while running, but I think I just need to stretch better.

Because I left the first workout with a bad taste in my mouth I went back to workout number two:

30 mins on the recumbent bike

Lower body circuit: machine squats, leg press, hamstring reverse curls, abductors, adducters, calf-raises [1 set of 15 reps for all] and I did the oblique machine cause I forget that in workout #1.

CAREER

Work has been really interesting this week because I've seen how much I've progressed in just one semester. Things that were emergencies before, I handle easily. Things that used to take me all day now get done in an hour. I'm just really happy with myself and my ability to improve and adapt to the environment.

So my boss always uses the phrase "fired up" when he's really excited about something. For instance, when he puts skittles in his oatmeal, he says "I'm really fired up about this." We went out to watch the OU v. Florida game and he was trying to explain why he loves Tim Tebow so much (I can't stand Florida because they've had too much recent success). But his main reason was Tebow's passion, his ability to be fired up and to fire up the people around him. There are few athletes that have that sort of intensity. Of course, I love that as well, and I like to believe that when I played sports I was that way (unfortunately I just wasn't as skilled as the people I played with). Therefore, I always think about how we can take that competitive intensity and transplant it into other venues: like work, like academics, and like life in general. I want to be the type of person that comes to work each day fired up about the ability I have to affectively change the lives of other people. That chance should fire me up, and everyone else who gets to have positive influence on the people around them. Perhaps, it's a bit cheesy but that's me.

1.15.09

2009-01-15T20:18:00.000-08:00

Positive: I'm able to do much more in much less time at work. Lesson: Always get better.

Do It Better: I've been very shy lately. I need a new shot of confidence. Lesson: Be myself!

HEALTH

-Daily Nutrition-
7:15: Yogurt [100]
9:00: Grapes [110]
11:00: Granola Bar [110]
1:00: Lean Cuisine Chicken and Garlic Pizza [340]
6:00: 2 tablespoons of Peanut Butter [190]
9:00: Pita chips and hummus; turkey, muenster cheese, and turkey pepperoni [350]

Total: 1200

The grapes at work were a brilliant idea. I appreciate the comments with other snack ideas! It seems like fruit is a fan favorite. I'm going grocery shopping tomorrow, so I'm going to try to pick up some things that I can put in snack size baggies.

-Body Works-
I got in a very brief workout today.

20 minutes Arc Trainer

Abs
Ball crunches
Floor crunches
Plank/Side Plank

I'm happy with this because it was my first workout back, I had limited time, and I was already exhausted from the day. It was crazy how hard the first few minutes were. I felt like I hadn't worked out in years. But by about 10 minutes, everything felt great again. I get to go to Pilates before work tomorrow. I really enjoyed Pilates the first time I went because it works all the things I tend to ignore at the gym: stretching and lengthening; and then focuses on abs. I'm hoping to get a cardio workout at the Y later in the day.

Ok, my posts have been weak this week. I'm so tired from the first week back and I'm hoping all that will change soon.

I have a lot of big stuff coming up so I hope to get my thoughts down soon.

See you on the flip.

1.14.09

2009-01-14T16:45:00.000-08:00

Positive: I am a fast learner. I've realized that I'm not very good the first time I do something, but I have a very sharp learning curve. Lesson: Get over the fear of the first time, and just focus on the possibility.

Do It Better: I would like to be more humble. I feel like my insecurities have been getting the best of me, so I'm forcing out all the time that I am good at stuff to hide the fact that I think I'm not. Lesson: Believe in myself?

HEALTH

-Daily Nutrition-
8:45 Oatmeal [130]
10:30 Granola bar and scooby snacks [ 190]
1:00 Turkey and broccoli Lean Pocket [220]
6:00 Naked Chicken Queso Burrito from Qdoba [800]

Total: 1340

Obviously, I didn't do the best job getting more calories before dinner. However, rabid hunger was going around the office today, so I'm surprised I didn't eat more. Also, I had to do a lot of writing today, and I realized that I get really hungry during that process. I need to find a better snack, maybe grapes? What is everyone's favorite healty snack? Give me ideas people!

-Body Works-
Well I was supposed to workout. And I even got dressed to go work out. But then a conversation with CK lasted four hours! In a good way. I am trying ot be ok with this since I'm still kind of battling an impending illness. However, I need to get back into the routine so I don't stop all together.

I have to get up early, so that's all she wrote.

1.13.09

2009-01-13T19:57:00.000-08:00

Positive: This is one of those days when I really just want to be like, "There is nothing positive about me." But I'm attempting to not be melodramatic. So for today, my positive is that I have done a better job communicating with my friends lately. Lesson: My life is fuller when I make an effort.

Do It Better: I procrastinate over stupid stuff. Lesson: Do it so I don't have to stress about it!

So I haven't posted in a long time. That is indicative of me not being very good with eating/working out, etc. But I'm trying to remain positive. Tomorrow I'm going back after it. No plateau, no excuses. I really just want to lose about 6 more pounds, but it's really about fitness and changing my body composition at this point. Also, I think I'm on the verge of getting sick, so I gotta fight that off too.

Tonight I ate badly because I was stressed out. It was totally emotionally eating. What's good about this, is I haven't done this nearly as much as I used to.

I want to talk about lots of things, but I'm exhausted from the week (yes already). Here's a list:

My book review!
The research I'm doing for an old Prof.
I haven't forgotten about "Fired Up" and Tim Tebow
My perfectionism and how it sucks
Lots of stuff I'm forgetting.

HEALTH

-Daily Nutrition-

9:00: Oatmeal [130]

11:00: Granola Bar [110]

1:00: Lean Cuisine [220]

3:30: Scooby Snacks [80]

6:15: 2 slices of turkey, turkey pepperoni, slice of muenster cheese; hummus and focaccia sticks; handful of grapes; granola bar; scooby snacks (yes this is the strangest dinner ever); and two fun-size kit-kats [around 850]

Total: 1390 (but more than half was after 2, so I'm not happy)

-Body Works-

I didn't work out today. It's the third day in a row I haven't work out. So, tomorrow is a must.

Maybe I can do better tomorrow.

1.08.09

2009-01-08T07:37:00.001-08:00

Positive: I don't back down from powerful people, and I think they like that. Lesson: Get to know the big-wigs but don't ever think of myself as one.

Negative: I don't back down. Lesson: Sometimes I just need to let it go.

First up, for those who love little folk artists (no really her guitar is bigger than her), Erin McKeown posted her cover of "Single Ladies" on youtube. It's hilarious and wonderful. I love the play on musical genres and gender performances that is going on. I mean in the video Beyonce is hyper-feminine and in this video two tie wearing women recreate the song. Remediation?

Erin McKeown and Garrison Starr prolly ain't no single ladies:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KT1V1EgERs

Also, at work I frequently listen to http://www.pandora.com, and today Common's The Light came on. Maybe it is hoaky, but I loved it:

"Granted we know each other for some time
It don't take a whole day to recognize sunshine"

I think I need to learn from that. Just understand how much good is in my life. How can I be sad and mopey when I got so much sunshine?

HEALTH

-Daily Nutrition-

8:15: Honey Nut Cheerios and Soy Milk [125]
10:30: Yoplait Strawberry Yogurt [100]
11:00: Granola Bar [110]
1:30: Artichoke and Chicken Lean Pocket [270]
---subtotal = 605---
5:00: Turkey Bites [60]
8:30: Half of my Chicken Tender Salad from BW's and 3 Corona Lights [750]
Total: 1405

Tonight was a great test since I just went to BW's not that long ago to watch the depressing Colts game. This time I only ate half my salad, yet still had the three beers. I didn't eat any of the dessert that was floating around, and I feel like this was a successful night out.

-Body Works-

30 minutes on the treadmill. I'm trying to working in inclines.

Abs-35 ball crunches -40 floor crunches-plank-side plank-oblique machine [35lbs]

Lower Back [2 sets of lower back extensions]

Forearms-Weight wind [3 sets at 5lbs] - Forearm curls [2 sets at 24lbs] - Curl and holds [1 set at 10lbs]

The gym was insane tonight, and I had to fit in my workout before going out to watch the game with the work crowd. It was a real struggle at first, but I'm glad I stuck it out and it turned into a really great workout. I got into that zone that I search for every time I work out. The last 10 minutes of my run, I felt like I could run forever at any speed. I wish I could just do something that would get me there whenever I wanted to run.

Ok, because of my drinks tonight I don't think I can be as insightful as I would like to be, but I would like to talk about Tim Tebow and being "fired up." I think they are important to me personally and in my career, so hopefully tomorrow I can make that connection. Shout out to JR for her nice words.

1.07.09

2009-01-06T20:11:00.000-08:00

Positive: I am knowledgeable about sports. Not Schwab-like, but pretty good. Lesson: I should hang out with more people who love sports!

Negative: I let thoughts of self-doubt creep in too easily. Lesson: Change doesn't happen over night.

INTELLECT

John Lucaites and Robert Hariman, the former being one of my professors in graduate school, wrote a book about visual rhetoric, and now maintain a blog called No Caption Needed about the same topic. Dr. Lucaites is a remarkable rhetorician and historian. His class was incredibly challenging, I hated him at the time, but I learned more in the class than in any other class during my M.A. I now admire and respect the work he does. It's crazy he is the epitome of the white-masculine academic, but I love his writing style. I think of all the professors I've had I'd most like to write like a combination of Dr. L and the brilliant Robert Ivie. Ok, enough of that. I bring him up because I was reading NCN and Dr. Hariman posted a photograph that captured the aftermath of a suicide bomber. In the center, forefront sole facing out, is the foot of the bomber. Just the foot. It's an incredible and gruesome shot. Anyways, Hariman leaves us with this statement:

"One question we face in the new year is how to represent, understand, and react to a world riven by violence. This is not an academic question" (No Caption Needed).

This is a two part statement, both troubling. But if the later is true, then I don't know why I'm interested in academia. What separates academics from "representing, understanding, and reacting to a world riven by violence?" Isn't that what productive criticism is all about? Frank Lentricchia, who wrote Criticism and Social Change, says criticism should be “Writing, not as haven for an isolated aesthetic pleasure, but as instrument for social change” (25). Ivie discusses this at great length and he is the whole reason I believe in academia at all. His work taught me that criticism not only works towards understanding/reacting to the world but also helps create it, trope it, and cover it up. Further, not only does it do this, it SHOULD.

So. How do we make this an academic question? How can we stretch, turn, and trope academia so that it has all the tools it needs to be a force against all the violence we face? I mean did anybody read Kenneth Burke's The Rhetoric of Hitler's Battle? He wrote that article after Mein Kampf was published and before Hitler executed the most notorious genocide in world history (that may change if Darfur continues). Burke's criticism literally said, "Whoa, what this guy is doing is very smart, sneaky, and extremely dangerous!! How can we stop him and how can we learn from this so we don't let a similar swindle happen in America?" **cough cough** Perhaps if we would pay more attention we wouldn't elect Pres. W. Bush, twice.

I am just so fascinated by reconceptionalizing what academia can be? Are we limited to the page...To rote conventions and presentations? I want a fleshy, active, messy, and productive academics. I think that when papers and words become decentralized then people and green stuff come back into focus. Of course we need all those papers and words too, it's just that they need to be emphasized less. I mean, I want my dissertation to breath or grow or to do something more than sit on a shelf. Ok, apparently I want a dissertation. Shit.

HEALTH

-Daily Nutrition-
Today was my first attempt to eat more calories in the morning than in the evening. I made an overt effort to eat (only when I was hungry!) smaller snacks throughout the morning culminated by a later lunch..

8:30: Oatmeal [130]
9:30: Yoplait Yogurt [100]
10:30: Oatmeal and Raisin Granola Bar [120]
1:30: Lean Cuisine Chicken Fettuccine [270]
5:30: Wasabi Roll and Tiger Roll [510, or close]

Total: 1130

J, thank you for talking about sushi all the time! I was craving it like crazy. And, it was AMAZING. I am short on calories today. But I really was never hungry. The only thing I could have done better was eat after my workout, but I didn't finish until 9:30 and I just wasn't hungry! I don't want to encourage the habit of eating when I don't need to eat. So I did get about 200 more calories by late lunch time today than yesterday, and I could totally tell the difference. I was more productive at work, never got tired, and wasn't as hungry around dinner. Eat more in the morning!

-Body Works-
I went to the gym at 7:45 tonight and left at 9:30. It wasn't as quality of workout as I like because the damn IU game was on. I understand that we are going to lose a lot of games this year, I'm ok with that. However, I am not ok with giving up a 20 point lead to a team that hasn't won at Assembly Hall since 1995. Ok, needless to say I was distracted.

20 minutes on the Recumbent Bike [.15 and .45 intervals]

small break to watch the striped pants lose

Machine Squats [3 sets of 10 at 90, 100, 110lbs]
Leg Press [5 sets of 10 at 70, 90, 110, 130, 150lbs] I guess I was into this machine tonight.
Dead Lifts [2 sets of 12 at 30lbs]
Hamstring Curls [1 set of 10 at 50] this was a filler set
Hamstring Machine [3 sets of 10 at 30, 40, 50lbs]
Calf Machine [3 sets of 12 at 70, 80, 90lbs]
Calf Raises [around 100]
Hip Adducter Machine [1 set of 25 at 90 lbs]
Hip Abducter Machine [2 sets of 20, 10 at 70lbs]
Wall Sit [1 minute]
Lunge and Lifts [1 set of 10 with each leg]

1/2 mile on track [super slow cause my legs were shot]

My intensity level started coming around while I was working my calves. Probably because they are one of my favorite muscles to lift. I love when you can really see, feel, and tire out a muscle group. Like when you almost fall down your first couple of steps after your calf work. I have little chicken legs, so my future goal (once I'm more in shape) is to put some weight and muscle mass on my lower body. It's kind of hard to do while I'm trying to lose weight, but it is a long term goal!

Ok gotta sleep for work.

1.6.09

2009-01-06T16:02:00.001-08:00

Positive: I am a fix-it girl. There were plenty of broken things at work today and I figured them all out, even if there was no saving that stapler! Lesson: If I fail at this academic advising thing, I can be a repair person?

Negative: I am awkward in social situations sometimes. Lesson: Don't be so self-conscious!

HEALTH

-Daily Nutrition-
8:30: Yoplait Cherry Yogurt [100]
10:30: Granola Bar [110]
12:30: Low Sodium Chicken Noodle Soup [220]
5:00: Half of my Chicken Fajitas, double-shot of Cabbo Wabbo [about 700]
10:20: 1 slice Plumrose Turkey [30]

So today was kind of wacky. I need to try and get more nutrition earlier in the day. Today was exactly what I shouldn't do. Skimp, then over-indulge. But again, I was really good because everyone was drinking and eating, and I managed one drink and only half of the fajitas.

-Body Works-
30 minutes on the treadmill [with MM!]

This workout was done post dinner/drinking. So I'm particularly proud it still happened. However, I did feel like vomiting for most of the time, but I got through and will be appreciative tomorrow.

CAREER

Today the athletics department was introduced to our new AD. We had a department wide meeting and he gave a speech. It was quite rousing and FG did a good job of covering many of the questions, expectations, and giving us some sense of the direction he'd like to lead us. He had a really great way of seeming humble yet capable, soft-spoken yet charismatic, and accessible yet smart. He didn't speak too long or sound self-important. I mean the man literally had the door taken off of the entry to his office to emphasize his "open-door" policy. I'll avoid too many specifics for confidentiality's sake, but I'm really optimistic about the attitude he is bringing to IU.

Following that meeting, it was a Compliance meeting and I really think this is an area that I need to strengthen. I have basic understanding of the rules, took the coaching test when I was a volunteer assistant for softball, but I still feel on the short side. My goal over the back end of my internship is to gain a better understanding of the more general workings of the athletic department, including budgeting, compliance, etc.

After the Compliance meeting I finally got to work on the mountain of stuff awaiting me before the new semester begins. I spent a lot of time working on compiling numbers and statics about our performance from last semester. I love doing this type of work I get to play with and learn all the capabilities of Excel. (Yes, make appropriate nerd comment here). Today I learned how to nest an IF statement with an AND logic argument. It's awesome if you are trying to deal with two separate criteria. Anyway, moral of the story is this is a real skill I'm learning that will be applicable future on in my career.

We have our mid-year evaluations on Friday, so I'm compiling a list of things I've done well, things I could improve, and things I would like to do/learn. I'll share when it is complete.

Today I'm exhausted. I can't wait until I get over the back to work hump.

1.5.09

2009-01-05T16:05:00.000-08:00

Positive: I am a hard worker. Today was the first day back at work and I did a TON. Lesson: I don't know, my dad taught me well?

Do It Better: I procrastinate about things that could be good for me. Lesson: Don't do anything later when you can do it now.

HEALTH

-Daily Nutrition-

9:15: Yoplait Blueberry Yogurt [100]
10:30: Chocolate Chip Granola [120]
1:00: Salad and Margherita Pizza Slice [550]
6:30: Turkey Burger with Provolone, Mandarin Oranges, candy [515]

Total: [1285]

A decent day, except when I attempted to cook dinner tonight. Somehow I burnt my turkey burger, set off the fire alarm, stressed myself out, and therefore ate candy. Stress related eating. Stupid, but not the end of the world.

-Body Works-
Arc Trainer [15 minutes]
Treadmill [21 minute run, 5 W+C]

Abs
30 Ball Crunches
50 Floor Crunches
10 Lower Ab Raises
Plank
Oblique Machine [15 at 35lbs]

Triceps
Overhead Triceps Exts [2 sets of 15 at 15lbs]
Cable Exts [10 at 30lbs, 10 single arm at 10lbs]
Machine Exts [10 at 30lbs]
Triceps Kickbacks with Rotation [10 at 5lbs]
Dips [20]

Traps
Military Press [3 sets of 10 at 24lbs]
Shrugs [ 3 sets of 15, 12, 10 at 30lbs, 34lbs, and 40lbs]

I barely made it to the gym today. I was a little distracted after almost setting the apartment on fire. During the middle of my workout I started feeling nauseous but worked through and ended up feeling physically great. This is one of the first times that my emotions went south after working out. I just got in my car and drove a little bit. I don't think I handle strong emotions very well. Ex. I almost got into a fight with the guy who was making fun of Colts fans, no really A had to hold me back. I wonder what the trick is?

Well right now I'm handling these emotions (sad) by acting like they aren't there and watching trick shot pool. I want to play more pool! It is definitely one thing that makes me happy. I'd like to get better, learn how to run an entire rack. Be more consistent.

Oh before I forget, I really want to get a heart monitor/calorie counter so I was thinking that maybe J should do a product review on hers so that I can learn what to look for.

One of these days I'll get around to resolutions.

Flip.

1.4.09

2009-01-04T18:15:00.000-08:00

Positive: Today at least, I appreciate the small things. At the Y, there were two little boys playing on the scale. They were so proud to shout out, "I weigh 36lbs!" Lesson: Happiness is everywhere.

Do It Better: I'm wrong frequently, and I'd like to how to better accept that. Lesson: I'm not less of a person if I am wrong.

HEALTH

-Daily Nutrition-
2:30: Hummus and Pita Chips [180]
5:00: Two slices of Turkey, 1 slice reduced-fat Provolone, 1 small Apple [170]
7:00: Lean Cuisine Grilled Chicken Primavera [220] - I should do a review on this, but all I'll say now is that it is my favorite frozen meal.
9:30: Turkey bites, grapes [130]
Total: 700

So obviously I'm way under the number of calories I should have eaten today, however, I'm not hungry, I've been satisfied all day, and it's too late to eat anymore. I think this is a by-product of waking up at 1pm.

-Body Works-
Cross Training
Bike [fifteen minutes of intervals, 15 sec sprints with 45 second recovery]
Nu-Step [fifteen minutes on the fat-burner setting, intensity 6]
Treadmill [fifteen minutes for an easy mile with cool down]

Abs
30 ball crunches
55 floor crunches
Plank
Side Plank

Back
Seated Row [3 sets, 50, 55, & 60 lbs]
Lat pull down, wide grip [2 sets, 40lbs]
Lat pull down, close grip [2 sets, 40lbs]
Dumbbell row [2 sets, 10, 12lbs]
Rear dealt exts [1 set, 15lbs]

Biceps
Barbell curls [15 at 24lbs]
Dumbbell curls [2 sets at 10lbs]
Hammer curls [2 sets at 8lbs]
Voortman curls [8lbs]
Barbell curls [30 at 20lbs to failure]

And then I actually stretched [5 minutes]!

Today's workout felt amazing. While I'm trying not to be negative about any day, I felt like I had to make up for yesterday. I even hate lifting my back, it might be my least enjoyable muscle group to hit. Further, there were like ten things I'd rather be doing: watching the IU Women's Bball game (they killed Iowa!), watch trick-shot pool (yes I'm a dork), and get some work done.

It is frustrating not being as strong as I was just a year and half ago, but I know I'll get back there. Also, I'm trying to decide how I'm going to move forward with my lifting, like which combination of muscles to do. I've done push, pull; super sets; and chest and shoulders, back and biceps, tris and traps, and legs. Perhaps, I'll rotate them weekly. Does anyone have any other ideas about how to break up their lifts? I guess I really need to decide what I'm trying to accomplish out of lifting. Right now, I'm just trying to get back to an acceptable baseline in strength. Maybe I'll put numbers on it? Like a % increase or something. Right now I'm happy in that a) I worked out and b)It felt really good.

I'll start weekly re-caps next week.

CAREER
Yesterday was supposed to be a big day in the career department. I thought I was going to hear whether or not the NCAA had invited me for an interview. However, I believe I misread (i.e. made up) the date in which they were making their decision. I double-checked the website and it actually says they'll invite people to interviews sometime in "January." Nothing about January 3rd.

So, excitement about that opportunity is a bit on hold. I'm so excited about what it could offer me. It's only an internship, however, it pays twice as much as I'm making currently + benefits. It would be an incredible learning experience and make me very marketable. It's in Indianapolis so I could see be reminded of what life beyond Bloomington is like. AND, I would have the opportunity to live in J's house (if everything keeps going well!). I hate to say I really really really want this because it sets me up for such disappointment, but at the very least I'd love to have it as an option.

That being said, I have no idea what is going to happen at IU. There may or may not be an opportunity there and they may or may not want me. I guess option C is finding a job elsewhere, which is also sounding more appealing. Particularly in D.C., Austin, or California!

Speaking of career, I'm back to the grind tomorrow so perhaps I should get some rest.

To do list:
1. Resolutions
2. Career goals
3. Intellect goals
4. ?

1.3.09

2009-01-04T15:45:00.000-08:00

Yes this post is being done retrospectively.

Positive: I was honest with someone about my feelings and that made me feel better about myself. Lesson: Even if it's hard I gotta tell the truth.

Negative: It was too easy to persuade me to drink. Lesson: When the Colts lose, I drink.

I spent a lot my day in the car. I woke up around 9:30 and skipped a morning work out cause I had to be in Indy by 1 to have lunch with my parents (and pick up my new True Religion jeans that were being hemmed). Unfortunately lunch was at PF Chang's. Unfortunate because it is extremely difficult to eat healthy Chinese food. However, as always, the food was so so so good. I did not have second helpings, so I'm calling that victory. After I picked up my jeans, I took my dad back to our house (he was sick), gathered all the random stuff I left there during break, and headed to my family Christmas. To be honest, I was kind of dreading the whole thing, as I just wanted to get back to Bloomington to work out before the Colts' game.

Like most things that I dread, once I got there I was very happy to be there. I know that my family is not perfect, but I never feel anything but loved and empowered after I spend time with them. It's the type of thing that motivates me to be better. I want to be successful and someone they can be proud of.

Also, I got to meet my new baby second-cousin, Addison. She's beautiful and a sound sleeper. Jessica, her mommy, let me attempt to hold and feed her. I'm not the most motherly person in the world, but I do love holding babies. They never get mad at you for loving them, they never judge you, and more times than not they make your day better. While it's a horrible picture of me I'll share little Addison with you:

So I got about an hour in with my family and then drove back to Bloomington. A asked me to go to BW's with A+B, and I decided going out was good for me emotionally much more than staying in would have been good for me nutritiously. Once I got into B-town I hurried over to the Y and got a little work out in.

HEALTH

-Body Work-

25 minute run. Yep that's it. It's all I had time for, and I created time for it, so it was actually a success.

- Daily Nutrition-

10:30: Quaker Strawberries and Cream Oatmeal [130]

1:00: PF Chang's, 2 Lettuce Wraps, Dan Dan Noodles, and Ginger Chicken and Broccoli, 1 Fortune Cookie. [650]

4:30: Family Christmas, Provolone and Turkey, 1 lemon bar [200]

8:00: BW's, Chicken Tender Salad, 2 Double Patrons [980]

Midnight: 2 Coors Lights [205]

TOTAL: 2060

So not might best day. It was the day of temptation and I gave in a lot. However, I could have eaten much more at my family's get together, and there was pizza waiting for me after a night of drinking and I did NOT indulge.

1.2.09

2009-01-02T11:38:00.000-08:00

Positive: I have never been much of a runner, but I am beginning to enjoy it more and more. Today I easily completed my mile goal, and can't wait to keep challenging myself. Lesson = I am capable of more than I thought.

Do It Better: I should try to be more patient with my mom. Lesson = Communicate more!

I am still trying to figure out exactly what format this blog will take, so I think I'm just moving forward with trial and error.

The public/private nature of this space is freaking me out. It's the same with academic writing; those pervasive doubts swim around, "Am I good enough," "Why would anyone be interested in what I have to say?" It is ridiculous and all too common. I remember having many conversations with L and S when they both felt overwhelmed by their own perceived inadequacy. As an outsider it was easy to tell them they were ridiculous. People much smarter than us brought us into a program and told us they knew we were capable. Still, publishing work (in any venue) is scary business.

So here again I'll call on Lorde, "As women we were raised to fear. If I cannot banish fear completely, I can learn to count with it less. For then fear becomes not a tyrant against which I waste my energy fighting, but a companion, not particularly desirable, yet one whose knowledge can be useful" (14). I hate to belabor this point, but I let fear control too much of what I do. From lifting weights at IU (cause I'm scared I'm not strong enough to do it in front of the athletes) to writing about my day (cause I'm scared I'm not interesting enough to matter). What joy am I missing because I am too scared? What would happen if these fears were in some way true?

I would like this blog to be the place where I think out intellectually inspiring words, moments, ideas. I can't always be inspiring myself, and that is just fine! I'll be boring, trite, redundant, and sometimes I'll say something that resonates. I hope to use it to shake away some of the fear I have about having my writing public. Again when I can write for other reasons than fear, I think my voice that has been cowering in the corner of the room might finally stand up, shake off the dust and start to sparkle.

This blog is threefold: health, career, intellect.

Health includes the following: nutrition, body work, and all the stuff that goes into mental health. In this section I will post the day's nutrition (cause it's more than just food), what I have or have not done to improve my body, and the cornucopia that is related to mental health. These three things are interwoven and I need to be more aware of the pattern they create in my life. I think I will have a weigh in day, which I'll do weekly, however I think the focus on numbers will subside.

Career includes the things I'm learning, where I am trying to go, having goals, and always moving forward. In this section I want to post new skills I am learning, things I want to learn, what I am doing to reach my goals, and how my work life integrates with my health.

Intellect includes nourishing my intellectual interests: Which currently I'm interested in kinesthetic learning and critical pedagogy. However, I'm always devoted to gender performance, queer studies, and women+athletics. So this section will hopefully include the current book/author I am reading or loving or hating and perhaps brief political discussions. How can I be a participatory democratic citizen if I am not thinking about politics?

Of course I won't specifically touch on these things in each post, but I do hope to post at least 5 times a week. Further, I hope to recap the week's progress in all three areas (their distinctions are fuzzy, porous, and collide in a multitude of ways). In a week's time this may be only about tracking my work outs or it may fade all together. But at this moment I would very much like to do more than that.

HEALTH

-Daily Nutrition-
11:30: 1 Yoplait Cherry Yogurt [100]
2:30: 2 Baked Chicken Thighs, 1 tablespoon Italian vinaigrette, 1 small apple [305]
5:00: TGI Fridays. 2 Corona Lights. 3/4 of a Turkey Burger, 1/2 cup of Broccoli. [550]
8:00: Granola bar [130]
9:30: Fried Pickles, horseradish sauce, 1oz Patron, tortilla chips [400]
11:00: Newcastle [150]

So not the best day ever. I started off not having enough calories for the day, but then I went out, and that all went to hell. But really, fried pickles are divine. I had in mind that I was celebrating because I weighed in today and have lost nearly 11 pounds since just before Thanksgiving. So this is one of my worst days and that means I'm doing pretty damn good.

-Body Works-

I got to the gym around 12:30 and left at 2:00.

You'll notice the strange 6 minutes on the arc trainer. While happily arc-ing along this dude comes up to me and says, "My turn." I looked at him like he was crazy, and said "No I signed up for this." He said, "No, I did." What he actually did was erase my name from the board (you sign up in dry erase marker) and put his own name. Perhaps this happens a lot when the gym is really busy. However, it just reminds me of the sense of entitlement that some men have in gyms. Usually it is contained to the weight room, you know boys with the weights and girls with the cardio, but this leaked over and really pissed me off. See A Woman's Place Is In The...Cardiovascular Room? by Shari L. Dworkin, she gives a good discussion of the gender and sexuality issues tied up with fitness, weight lifting, and strength.

Quick Mile+WC [20 minutes]

Chest
Barbell Press [15 at 45lbs]
Dumbbell Press [12 at 30lbs, 10 at 34lbs, 10 at 40lbs]
Incline Press [10 at 20lbs]
Chest Fly [15 at 25lbs, 15 at 30lbs]
Barbell Press [30 at 24lbs, neared fatigue]

Shoulders
Shoulder Press [10 at 8lbs]
Seated Lat Raise [10 at 10lbs]
T Raises [10 at 8lbs]
Raise'n'Holds [5 at 5lbs]
Big Arm Circles
Small Arm Circles

Arc Trainer [6 mins]

Abs
Ball Crunches [30]
Floor Crunches [2 sets of 30]
Plank
Side Plank

1/2 Mile on the Track

Ok, I'm late posting this already so still to come: Career update (tomorrow is a big day!) and Resolutions!

See you on the flip.

1.1.09

2009-01-01T20:23:00.000-08:00

"...imposed silence about any area of our lives is a tool for separation and powerlessness" Audre Lorde - The Cancer Journals

At risk of being melodramatic The Cancer Journals was the most important book I read during my M.A. program. I remember being inundated with all these male, sterile academic voices that reminded me academic success (i.e. publication) required you to sand down all the parts that made you human. No err, no doubt, no emotion. Perhaps that is part of the draw to academe, on the pages you write you get to leave behind your less put-together self. You are composed, organized, thought-out. Mistakes are limited by the editing process. You are limited by the editing process.

Every day in grad school I felt like my own voice (inconsistent, fool-hearted) was being trapped under the weight of all the masculine academic texts we were forced to swallow every day. It's the same reason that one of the most criticized writers for difficult, academically jargoned writing is female: Judith Butler. To gain legitimacy women have to follow the rules of the Ivory Tower, but then are criticized for playing the game too well. Further, Butler has written about her conscious decision to write in this style; she's making a statement. Furthermore, Butler is devoted to social action and is deeply committed to praxis. Ok, so blah blah blah what I am trying to say is that women are punished if they are too good at eliminating any trace of themselves and silenced if they let their female parts show. It is they same for people of color, queer folk, and most others who fit somewhere outside the margins of the white-hetero masculine model of the academy.

So because my voice is less than 100% I rely heavily on those who have found strength to share their worldly voices with us. This brings me back to Lorde. The Cancer Journals, academically speaking, argues that "socially sanctioned prosthesis is merely another way of keeping women with breast cancer silent and separate from each other" (14). Of course it is fascinatingly more complex than this, but you should read the book! However, I truly believe this book is about Lorde's love of women. She loved us too much to let us go mute. Death was near for her, but it was her work and her love that kept her alive (Lorde battled Breast Cancer for some 14 years, and this book was written two years after her diagnosis).

Again, it's too easy to go off topic here because the book changes my perspective, perhaps my life, every time I pick it up. She says, "What are the words you do not yet have? What do you need to say? What are the tyrannies you swallow day by day and attempt to make your own, until you will sicken and die of them, still in silence? Perhaps for some of you here today, I am the face of one of your fears. Because I am woman, because I am black, because I am lesbian, because I am myself, a black woman warrior poet doing my work, come to ask you, are you doing yours?" (19). I want so desperately to answer that question with a yes. I want to honor people like Audre Lorde that have fought so valiantly to show people their lives can be better. What surprises me every time I read someone like Lorde, hooks, or Angelou is that as much as they care for others they put in the same time to care for themselves.

I can finally admit that I have no clue how to care for myself. That will always keep me from doing "my work." So while I'm scared out of my mind, anxious, and angry I have to speak up and break the silence that separates me from others.

Recent events in my life have made me too conscious of the mistakes I have made. I do not sleep as much because the things I have done wrong sneak into my brain, bang around, and make too much noise. My mother's nickname is Patti Perfect. I was raised obsessing over perfection. It is a foolish and unsatisfying pursuit. My mother gave me Maya Angelou's Letter to my Daughter for Christmas. I am not far, but in the introduction Angelou says, "I have made many mistakes and no doubt will make more before I die. When I have seen pain, when I have found that my ineptness has caused displeasure, I have learned to accept my responsibility and to forgive my self first, then to apologize to anyone injured by my misreckoning" (xii). This is not a shocking revelation, but a woman of Angelou's magnitude believing that forgiving yourself is perhaps the most important thing you can do is resonant. Or it is just incredibly timely for me.

So why this, why here? I have no idea. I need to get the noisy thoughts out of my head and confined somewhere else. I need to sleep again. Lorde tells me to speak up, to find other motivation than fear. JZ has been maintaining her new blog for over a month now, and I find reading it therapeutic. So how about I write my own? I am stealing many things from her, so I must publicly thank her.

I envision this blog as a place to track my process towards health, caring for myself, and other musings. I would love for it to be a dialogue but I realize that is selfish and do not expect that I am entertaining enough to draw out responses. I think I would like to start every day with one positive statement about myself (thank you Miranda for sharing your love letter to yourself) followed by one honest appraisal of something I could do better. I do not intend to be overly stuffy with these or sappy or non-chalant.

Positive: I am good at following the half-ass directions that come with shelves, carts, and other random pre-fabbed products. I actually enjoy putting that stuff together. Lesson= perhaps I should learn more about carpentry.

Do It Better: I looked at pictures that I knew would make me sad, but did it anyway. Lesson = don't be so damn masochistic.

Again stealing from JZ, I will in the next several days post specific guidelines (not fast and hard rules) that will keep me on track. SMART goals people! Specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and timely! Also, I will post "resolutions."

I fear I'm over my page limit. So I'll see you on the flip.